Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

(Come find me) (Free verse) by zodiac
Come find me some chalk-white-sky morning, where I’ve been biding my time, a fallow field – I can grow a tree as well as the next man. I’m a crop of mushrooms, blindly waiting my birth, and sick of hiding – Come find me, in my horse-eaten hill-pasture – come! pull up the ground with your tunneling fingers; remind me why I’ve saved you the power of finding, and for me only the frailty of needing to be found. Come find me! For that night I rear up alone out of the dank debris of my underground labor, spreading upon the fescue my great irregular limbs – before and behind me, colossal, wet, and grotesque – you Will wish you’d come when I asked you. And you will not be dealt with kindly. And no one is coming to your rescue.

Up the ladder: Dumb Ideas
Down the ladder: Heaven Out Here

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 43
.. 10
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 01
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 11

Arithmetic Mean: 7.6153846
Weighted score: 6.911999
Overall Rank: 215
Posted: January 15, 2004 9:03 AM PST; Last modified: January 16, 2004 7:47 AM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[n/a] Christof @ 217.44.77.166 | 16-Jan-04/5:40 AM | Reply
This sounds like me waking up in the morning. I like it. Earthy, mysterious, a bit threatening and sinister. Amend spelling of 'grotesque' and it'll be there.
[5] Shade_dreamer @ 64.105.60.13 | 16-Jan-04/7:19 AM | Reply
Hmmm, You had me right up to "Placental Debris" over all not bad, but not great either.
It kinda sounds like your pissed about something. If thats the case get in touch with that because it doesn't really show here.
[n/a] Goad @ 217.82.0.175 | 17-Jan-04/10:48 AM | Reply


I like the first three stanza's quite a lot, but the end doesn't cut it.

What are you saying, that the whimsy of a sentient fungus is not just a metaphor and this is a horror poem? Or are you alluding to the effects of poison/hallucinogenic mushrooms -- if so it could be sketched much better.

But you taught me a new word, that's pretty rare, lol.

Nitpick: no need to say great when in the next line you say colossal.
[n/a] zodiac @ 67.240.155.82 | 17-Jan-04/6:50 PM | Reply
I thought everyone would get this. It's about wanting to be 'found' as a writer. And maybe it's all the Whitman I had to read last week, but now I'm thinking, screw 'em. When we're ready (and by we, I definitely include the present company of fellow fungi -) when we spring to the surface like mushrooms, fully formed, we're going to mop the earth with them. Just watch.
[9] richa @ 81.178.214.93 > zodiac | 18-Jan-04/5:28 AM | Reply
It is not just about getting it. From the first image of mushrooms I got it. You could have stopped there.

However you carried on and tried to build up a picture which is good. Unfortunately there were too many metaphors pulling the reader about.

Personally I like this and applaud the imagination. But you have to be wary that to get anywhere you will encounter poetry purists who insist on better organisation.

What goad says is correct, and comes from himself spending months being flogged in the eratosphere.
[n/a] zodiac @ 67.240.155.234 > richa | 18-Jan-04/5:33 AM | Reply
fair enough
[10] dancin_n_da_moonlite @ 64.12.116.135 | 29-Dec-04/10:02 PM | Reply
wow - i love this
truly great work - one of the best ive seen
like the rhyme scheme
- i give it a 10 -

~mega
359 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001