Re: talkstupid by 7!3	Ranger 81.158.79.113	18-Apr-06/12:33 AM
Interesting idea. Well worked, although Dark Angel did it more concisely in haiku form. I like the asymmetrical mirroring of the last stanza with the end of the first. Let'snot Giveintothat boringcliche Knownas Emo
Re: floss every day by digipoet	7!3 219.95.8.65	18-Apr-06/12:37 AM
lol nice..
Re: meeting her gaze by digipoet	Ranger 81.158.79.113	18-Apr-06/12:40 AM
Okay, critique o'clock. Too many uses of 'face' in such a short piece; the first stanza made me think this was going to be humorous/parodying. Find either synonyms (there are plenty of online dictionaries for these sort of things) or use different images. Second stanza is good, I enjoyed it. 'Parcels'? I didn't quite get anything so postal from this. Unless it's computing-based (I know just enough about technology to see there may be a connection). And again, 'face' appears too often. Final stanza - good idea, although Icarus comes in a bit unexpectedly (I've been guilty of doing this myself, it's true). The only real clues you give beforehand are 'meager rise/its ceiling low' which isn't really enough. Good ending though. I liked the form, I liked the rhythm and I liked the rhyme. I just think it needs the content worked on.
Re: a dream by lmp	Ranger 81.158.79.113	18-Apr-06/12:47 AM
An enjoyable yarn, with some beautiful word choice. It feels like you might extend it further, describing who 'she' is (a goddess, a creator maybe). Nice read.
Re: Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	Ranger 81.158.79.113	18-Apr-06/1:20 AM
It's taken a long time to come up with anything useful to say. I really like this one; I think you nailed it with the edit - it ironed out the couple of flaws (minor flaws, to be fair) in the original. The only thing I can say here is that 'ride on my shoulders Sunshine' might open up the possibility for drawing parallels with the myth of Atlas (which would fit the general fantastical feel of this). Good poem.
Re: The Unknown Soldier by abcmonkey78	Ranger 81.158.79.113	18-Apr-06/1:26 AM
Firstly, 'The Unknown Soldier' is the title of a Doors song; you might consider changing it in case people make assumptions. There are some good lines and metaphors here - 'iron hawks', 'leaded hornets' (should probably be 'leaden hornets'), and the last line is pretty smart too. There are a few too many commas and semicolons (as has been noted already), and a couple of grammatical crits, but on the whole it's a decent poem.
Re: Face of Iran by Caducus	Ranger 81.158.79.113	18-Apr-06/1:30 AM
Decent edit. I've thought more about this and the double meaning in here is great. I was a bit hasty beforehand. It made me think of those bombers who disguised themselves as women, 'warheads' works really well with this. Damn good thoughts in here, vote increased accordingly.
Re: Lost and Found by annadoc	Ranger 81.158.79.113	18-Apr-06/1:37 AM
The opposites made me think of that Meredith Brooks song, 'Bitch' ('I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed...'). I'm not sure about there being so many questions in this, to be honest, and the couplet rhythm is very abrupt. Still, there are some good ideas in it.
Re: Don't touch the chairs in a gay bar. by Stephen Robins	Ranger 81.158.79.113	18-Apr-06/1:38 AM
You never struck me as being the sort who'd bother with gay bars.
Re: Downpour by annadoc	pollywolly 80.192.49.144	18-Apr-06/4:05 AM
i think a better quality of poem could have been written by focusing on the final line but so much has been said in a short piece where live feels like a continous downpour
Re: Lost and Found by annadoc	pollywolly 80.192.49.144	18-Apr-06/4:12 AM
you say in the end lets turn it around but i dont get it as through out the piece you are both negative and positive sides on each line so what needs to be turned around? it seems a very confused piece.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 12.72.36.111	18-Apr-06/6:38 AM
A nice sentiment. "Content with oblivion" seems too dark and pondering for an unborn - maybe "darkness" "Hallowed" seems too religious, considering that's not your aim.
Re: Murder Phoenix Born (meta-villanelle) by Ranger	Dovina 12.72.36.111	18-Apr-06/6:55 AM
With the old spelling of "fair" and the Phoenix legend, I predicted the end. But did so wrongly - nice.
Re: A Kiss Beneath The Blossom Tree by Caducus	lmp 141.154.134.3	18-Apr-06/7:34 AM
a wonderful tribute, beautifully crafted. i echo many comments of those before mine. this is bittersweet without being sappy, poignant in just the right doses. very very very well done. a favorite, now.
regarding some deleted poem...	ecargo 167.219.88.140	18-Apr-06/7:36 AM
Lovely. Nice sustained imagery throughout it--from hallowed to Gabriel to blessings; the "blessings of spring" and rebirth (lambs and eggs and daffodils, splendor and symmetry. Excellent ending. Nurtured (you're missing the first "r"), and "so excellently" seemed like it's filler for now, could be replaced with something stronger and more exact, maybe. Also, "aerial" makes me think of an antennae--do you mean some kind of fireworks? Maybe another term there? Ah, just nitpicking--I think this is really good overall.
Re: Sunlighting by ALChemy	lmp 141.154.134.3	18-Apr-06/7:42 AM
i don't see my vote showing up on this one in my favorites anymore. did you edit? if so, i still love it!
Re: A South London Lullaby by Caducus	lmp 141.154.134.3	18-Apr-06/7:59 AM
a torrid subject, to be sure! i feel awful after reading about it; it is like bad news in the papers. i like how the second verse nicely foretells of daddy's exploits in the third verse. and then it leads me to think that maybe she is fulfilling her own destiny? if the second verse is what Mummy sings, i think quotes may help. also, i don't think the last two lines are required. perhaps try changing "Princess" to another word that would convey his infidelity by definition [hint: ends with "-ess"]. the fact that he is buying the flowers means he will do this again, hence the last two lines become superfluous. well written...
Re: Skellington Bakery by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	18-Apr-06/9:08 AM
This is a woeful departure from the standard -=D_A=- pump. This, I suspect, is written by someone trying to ingratiate themselves into the Rutherford Club, only to be found wearing no spats.
Re: Upheaval (in a minor key) by ecargo	Dovina 12.72.36.4	18-Apr-06/10:29 AM
I like the second verse; it's different, but familiar in feeling. The first verse could lose the first line, I think, and the word "down" in line 2, since it's repeated in line 5.
Re: my girl's day [tri-ku] by lmp	Dovina 12.72.36.4	18-Apr-06/10:33 AM
"tri-ku" seems bland for a title. I would stick with "my girl's day."