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Upheaval (in a minor key) (Free verse) by ecargo There was only so much for the asking;
now weâre counting the days down
to a different end. An open handâs
another way of letting go.
Weâre down to the finer points:
whether weâll be friends; how to split
the souvenirs of undone years.
Love once blurred the differences
now grown again distinct and edged.
We grew like tree roots, entwined,
misaligned, cracking the foundations
and pulling up everything.
Up the ladder:
Body Worlds
Down the ladder:
Coney Island Fall
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 9.4
Posted: April 18, 2006 9:30 AM PDT; Last modified: April 18, 2006 9:30 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.5244927 Overall Rank: 2630 Comments:
Hmm. Nice to read, ecargo, thoughtful and full of regret. Every Pimple poet should read this to learn how these should be done, how the emotion should be controlled. I know I could have done with it at times. Great second stanza.
Could the open hand idea give rise to card games? In a way it's the juxtaposition of honesty and competition. Honesty rarely wins in competition. And I rarely make sense in these sort of comments. Ah well. Good work. 254 view(s)
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The first verse could lose the first line, I think, and the word "down" in line 2, since it's repeated in line 5.