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Free verse № 142443

Upheaval (in a minor key)

by ecargo

Member since 2002 · Posted 18 Apr 2006 · 2 comments

There was only so much for the asking; now we’re counting the days down to a different end. An open hand’s another way of letting go. We’re down to the finer points: whether we’ll be friends; how to split the souvenirs of undone years. Love once blurred the differences now grown again distinct and edged. We grew like tree roots, entwined, misaligned, cracking the foundations and pulling up everything.

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2 comments

[8] Dovina 18-Apr-06/10:29 AM Reply
I like the second verse; it's different, but familiar in feeling.

The first verse could lose the first line, I think, and the word "down" in line 2, since it's repeated in line 5.
[9] Ranger 18-Apr-06/2:26 PM Reply
Hmm. Nice to read, ecargo, thoughtful and full of regret. Every Pimple poet should read this to learn how these should be done, how the emotion should be controlled. I know I could have done with it at times. Great second stanza.
Could the open hand idea give rise to card games? In a way it's the juxtaposition of honesty and competition. Honesty rarely wins in competition. And I rarely make sense in these sort of comments. Ah well.
Good work.