| Re: a comment on Save our Self(revised to be a trek into the vent tent) by Crakyamuni |
2-Feb-05/7:32 PM |
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You've got some good lines here, and I think if you work on it some more, you might be able to get more cohesion. The stream of thought thing works, but oftentimes you still have to revise it so that it makes sense to the reader on some level. I can pick out things here that I understand, but then it goes to something else. I rarely edit my writing based on what people want and I rarely reveal what they are about. My feeling on it is that you need to derive your own meaning from it. At least in abstract cases. Some poems are good because you get it and some are good because everything works, even though you might not understand it. Worth working on.
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| Re: a comment on Obituary for the Moon by wilco |
2-Feb-05/7:02 PM |
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| Re: a comment on A love apple's just a tomato (edit of "Uprooting") by fevriere |
2-Feb-05/3:31 PM |
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Don't make deals. it's your poem. I don't know about that one part. I'll think on it. I'm just not a big fan of rhyme in free verse.
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| Re: a comment on Waiting for October by wilco |
2-Feb-05/3:18 PM |
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Haven't seen it. Sorry. If I watch it will you vot on the poem though? '0)
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| Re: A love apple's just a tomato (edit of "Uprooting") by fevriere |
2-Feb-05/3:16 PM |
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Not bad. I thing the smart tart bit could be better, but I like the fruit/potatoes lines.
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| Re: Save our Self(revised to be a trek into the vent tent) by Crakyamuni |
2-Feb-05/3:13 PM |
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I'm really not sure what's going on here...maybe you could add a little bit more to help paint at least a little bit better picture. I'm all about abstract, but you gotta give a little more I think.
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| Re: No more goodbye by ShaNoN+960317485 |
2-Feb-05/3:10 PM |
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Need to fix your meter here and check your spelling.
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| Re: Harry & the Little Bird by Goad |
2-Feb-05/3:05 PM |
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Perfidy, great word. I'm not really liking this too much but I'm going to give you an 8 just for that.
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| Re: A Thing I Must Do by Dovina |
2-Feb-05/3:00 PM |
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One of your best in a while.
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| Re: Life by AmberDawn |
1-Feb-05/4:54 PM |
Being as this is the second poem I've read today called "Life", I can't, just can't. First, you need to learn to proofread, or at least you spellcheck. Then, try writing about something else. All this positivity is a bad thing to be posting here. If you're going to be positive, at least mask it. ;)
On the plus side, you have a great chance of making it onto -=D_A=-'s Love/Above Liste. Congrats.
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| Re: Ode to Brittanyy and her Dyke Jacket. by DreamerSupreme |
1-Feb-05/4:42 PM |
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I'm not going to vote on this because it's just plain fuckin' mean. All that aside, though, it's pretty good. hehe
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| Re: Dying Abroad by zodiac |
1-Feb-05/4:39 PM |
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I'm not going to be picky about changing a couple of words and not repeating theline exactly. It's really one of your best. I wish you'd spend a little more time writing and a little less time drying to be -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I., Jr., but it's ok.
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| Re: a comment on Satan's Pillar: The Wisdom of Heresy. by SupremeDreamer |
31-Jan-05/7:09 PM |
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No reason to kiss ass here. Most people do it because the 'ranker is a "I'll scratch your back, you scratch mine" society. I'll give you a ten you give me one, wink wink. I used to simply not vote on a poem if I was going to give less thatn a seven because if you piss someone off they;ll give you 30 anonymous 0's. Now, however, I just don't care. I'm giving what I think it deserves and fuck you if you want to give me a 0. Anyway, this one wasn't bad. I think maybe it should go under 'other' but it matters not, I guess.
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| Re: Life by Stacy Stewart |
31-Jan-05/5:52 PM |
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Something about this I like. Not sure what it is.
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| Re: My Heroes by MacFrantic |
31-Jan-05/5:47 PM |
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Not bad as a Triolet. I usually dislike using thee and lest but but it seems to work ok here.
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| Re: Baghdad Election by Mona Lisa |
31-Jan-05/3:43 PM |
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Anyone want to place bets on how long it will be before their new president gets blown up?
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| Re: Depth of Illusion by Beyond_Dreams |
31-Jan-05/3:39 PM |
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waaaaaaaaaayy too much rhyme for my taste, and forced in places at that. Kind of pretty though in places.
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| Re: Psalm of Wonder by Dovina |
31-Jan-05/3:36 PM |
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Not a bad sentiment here. That God is a funny character. Always doing things to upset the legions of peons that he created. Kind of like an ant farm, we are. Little kid has an ant farm..gets bored, shakes it up and ruins all their tunnels...mmhmm
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| Re: a comment on Psalm of Wonder by Dovina |
31-Jan-05/3:35 PM |
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Zodiac doesn't have emotions.
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| Re: thoughts on a long lazy day by francis nor capule |
31-Jan-05/3:30 PM |
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