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Depth of Illusion (Free verse) by Beyond_Dreams She danced in beauty
throughout the night,
the impressionable chill of the
Starry Night;
Her eyes twinkled bright
like a continuous painting of
delicate delight.
Swirled with gold and trimmed
with desire,
she nestled under the
slumbering tree
curled up in a ball with
Georgia O'Keeffe.
Waited for sun break to let
the lilies free,
and as her eyes closed feeling the
warmth from the sun; and the hush
of the wind, Picasso painted 'The Dream'
and she waited until the
moon licked the lake once more.
Up the ladder:
Cassius
Down the ladder:
wishes
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.571429
Posted: January 30, 2005 6:08 PM PST; Last modified: January 30, 2005 6:10 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.422622 Overall Rank: 3054 Comments:
waaaaaaaaaayy too much rhyme for my taste, and forced in places at that. Kind of pretty though in places.
Yup I agree, I don't usually write poems w/ rhyme, but this sort of came to me and I havn't worked out all the small kinks yet. But I still feel it has some great potential.
Hmm, so just what IS this "depth of illusion"
painter's muse? an allusion? delusion? ..ah no, it's in BD's pants, you see it's his little fantasy -- that he has while he rubs his protrusion.
considering this poem has nothing to do w/ a man you have to be referring to yourself
What kind of rejoinder is that?
Are you saying your groin's, er, less protruding than flat? For me there's no sport In such a lousy retort I enjoin you, do better than that Here do you think this is better I hope it gets your panties wetter This may come as quite a shock I am a chick therefor I have no cock!
and i titled it 'depth of illusion' because if they say a picture is worth a thousand words, then a painting must be worth a million.
Your reply's an unneeded adjunct
And you fail my aspersion to punt: Though the pronoun was wrong You've no need for a dong There's protrusion enough in a cunt.
BTW: here is your clumsy attempt rewritten in actual limerick form; just so you know how it's done for future battles:
I know it may come as a shock To one who assumes gender ad hoc Is this retort better? Has it gotten you wetter? I'm a chick, so guess what -- I've no cock!
Incredibly. Both the retort and the words of this poem.
Interesting...you show the same lack of awareness of the distinction between the adverbial and adjectival forms of words in your comments as you do in your pomes. Missing that part of your brain, perchance?
If I'd a doubt left 'bout the young poet's gender
Luzr's comment above would soon end her. Like a dog, he's so fast To get his nose up her ass, That I'm a little bit frightened he'll rend her.
I hate you so much that I decided to give this poem a 0..Big surprise huh?
surprised that your thought process works like this?:
"they criticized my pome > I hate them > I will look up one of their pomes and vote "0" on it. That'll show'm" no. Not really surprised at all. In fact, it quite confirms my previous opinion of you.
Yawn....you really are unoriginal aren't you!
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It's not exactly plagiarising, but zodiac likes to get the rankerfolk all rawled up... It's good fun, getting people all defensive... anyway, you can do better than that.
Yes! we make 'm stew, make 'm cry, make 'm pensive
but not you -- you just sputter
and endlessly mutter
how little it means to you when rankers the tens give.
The part about simply trying to upset rankers has never been true. Anyway if would be stupid to try, since poemranker users are amazing at not getting upset even over the most rabid cockbattings. I think this is because they're all poets and therefore masochists. And they can justify pretty much anything by saying things like 'he just likes to get people rawled up'. My intention, as always, is always only to point out mistakes. And I've had a change of heart on top of that. QED.
In the context of the exchange it is a part of, it's gotta be one of my all-time cleverest limericks evar. Doncha think?
And I don't see how 'wanting someone to humor him with objections' is something particularly desert-rat-like. Or zodiaclike, for that matter.
I'm sorry, that's just how it seems to me. It's almost impossible that anyone could invented the phrase 'She [verb] in beauty, [preposition] the night' independently. And besides, having presumably passed 9th grade, you have to have read the poem. That makes it your responsibility to come up with something that doesn't make people think, 'this is just like Byron's poem, only worse.'
Unfortunately for you, Byron beat you to it by about two hundred years. Now it's your responsibility to change yours, especially since Byron can't very well change his, having been Greeked to death before your greatgreatgreat grandmother was born.
San Francisco Blues 'by Jack Kerouac' one of the lines reads like this... "In the calm & peaceful
Night-"
In this poem 'by Kit McCallum' the line reads like this..."The peaceful calm of night."
So you're telling me one of these people has to change their poem because it is very similar to other persons poem?
that tried to tell some dumb nymph's little story
but there's nothing on google
to show it's not new, go
check, you'll see it ain't stolen glory!