poemranker ::To Avalon by annabellee

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Free verse № 83379

To Avalon

Member since 2004 · Posted 29 Jan 2004 · Edited 30 Jan 2004 · 9 comments

Come, my Sisters, It’s not too late to seek our former world. Push off, and rowing in order slice The sounding channel; for our purpose holds To navigate beyond the moon, and Mars Of all the eastern stars, until we die. It may be that the sea will draw us down; It may be we shall sense the misty Isles, And glimpse the great Tor that we once knew. O Sisters, I have heard the voices in the fog- Ancient whispers, low within the veil Season after season, they call beyond the pale; “Return again” “Return to life, return again to me” Forever have I known the haunting sound, Forever beckoned beyond the mists. But lost, between the worlds adrift. Come, my Sisters, To follow this song upon the wind. Set forth, this barge draped in black Oars muffled; in silence of a dream To course the summer sea, and peace. To be and never cease, eternal. Come away from the Christian priests. Come away from their God of death and doom; Fools, narrowing lives to their own cruel compass. O Fools! Who named the Great Goddess Demon. In lies, they preach of evil minions Hear not; the echo of their bell Summoning souls to hell, inside False piety cannot deride, She is! Be guided by the barge that carries us. Be guided to the place but few will go. And so, we make our Holy way. O Great Mother! We call to you and find you within ourselves. Yet now, the tide of life has ebbed The moon; waxes full for us too soon With the rounding of the moon, and years The path now clears, we return. Let us sleep among the apple groves; Let us drink from your sacred well. Our spells, evoke the mists to part. O Sisters! The sun shines full over the misty shore. Light glinting, far from the world of men The stones, still standing have prevailed Where soon we’ll hail, and dip The golden cup to sip, in Goddess! At last we give our body up to spirit. Al last we’ll climb each well-worn step. Home again in Avalon, all Priestess finally rest.

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9 comments

[8] andrewjthomas 29-Jan-04/2:17 PM Reply
i really liked this, but felt like it was only an opening to a much longer piece
i was definitely left wanting more, and not in a good way
still, very nicely worded
[9] zodiac 29-Jan-04/5:42 PM Reply
Great Tennyson. I'm reading Tennyson right now, and you do him very well. Do you know Ms Parker's great 'Penelope'? Also - I wish you would read my last post, as I was trying to do some Tennyson myself and would like to see what you think.
[n/a] annabellee › zodiac 29-Jan-04/10:02 PM Reply
Thanks. It was good to see someone recognize this.
I’m not sure Tennyson would approve. Although, I like to imagine he would at least commend the effort. Imitation is after all the highest form of flattery and in this case, brought inspiration to a word-weary poet. I like the changes you made to yours. I’m sure I’m nit picking but I’m still not satisfied with <we be> it is better though. I’m not familiar with the poem you mention. I’ll see if I can find it.
[9] Sam 29-Jan-04/6:07 PM Reply
Great one here...reminds me of the struggle in the early days when women are trying to find their voices and be heard and be given the chance to depend not only themselve but the world as well.
[n/a] Christof 30-Jan-04/6:09 AM Reply
Very atmospheric and a really nice use of metre. And the cross-rhyme of 'mars' (should be capitalised) and 'stars' is beautiful. This exotic stuff and I agree that it sounds as if it's leading to something else. Is it?
[9] zodiac 30-Jan-04/9:19 PM Reply
"Forever beckoned beyond the mists. But lost, between the worlds adrift." - this is the weakest part. Fix that up. Some of the antiquated diction might stand to be toned down, even for what you're trying to do. 9.
[n/a] annabellee › zodiac 30-Jan-04/9:32 PM Reply
Thanks. If you can come up with something stronger, I'm listening. Writing in his style can be torturous.
I think I'll let the swelling go down before giving it another go.
[9] Shuushin 31-Jan-04/3:59 AM Reply
A good synthesis and gently embedded rhymes - but I can't decide if it's too long or too short...
[5] NanceXToo 31-Jan-04/11:42 AM Reply
This is well-written (in an English/word usage kinda way). Personally, being into more contemporary type stuff, the content just doesn't do anything for me. But that's just personal preference, not really anything against your writing.