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Lyric № 100801

Obituary for the Moon

Member since 2004 · Posted 6 May 2004 · Edited 9 May 2004 · 25 comments

Saw a flash outside my room thought it was lightning But it was just the moon. Exploding into dusty waves and watching as the universe dug its lonesome grave. Chorus: There was nothing I could do when the drugs stopped working. So I smoked another cigarette and wrote a letter to you. Were you watching silently when the light went away? At least we have the sun. Did it wake you from your sleep and force you to open up your life in time to live? (Bridge) I can remember sleeping with summer and climbing walls of sleep. Loving her like the end of a storm with pictures of cloudless skies. Chorus: There was nothing I could do when the drugs stopped working. So I smoked another cigarette and wrote an obituary for the moon.

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mean 6.83 weighted 6.83 rank 338 views 677 View voting details →

30 votes so far. Yours would make 31.30 votes so far

A favorite of dancin_n_da_moonlite, sliver.

25 comments

[0] poetandknowit 9-May-04/12:13 AM Reply

Yes, barkeep I would like a gin and tonic water!!!!

[n/a] wilco › poetandknowit 9-May-04/9:07 AM Reply

For future reference, you can just say 'gin and tonic'. Adding the water to the end just makes you sound like a pretentious asshole.

[n/a] cleverdevice › wilco 10-May-04/3:04 AM Reply

And 'please' wouldn't go amiss either, we barmen appreciate good manners you know. Not that I am a barman, I'm just imagining what a barman might say. I actually work in an expensive cookware shop.

[n/a] Sisterwolf › wilco 23-Dec-05/1:44 PM Reply

Is such harsh critic, and ignorant language helpful to the
poet?

[7] zodiac › Sisterwolf 24-Dec-05/9:38 AM Reply

Is "Very unique voice here. Edgy and filled with imagery. Good stuff here" helpful to the poet?

[8] edpeterson 9-May-04/2:27 PM Reply

Good song.

[9] Sasha 9-May-04/2:31 PM Reply

Good song indeed. Unfortunately a song is not necessarily a poem, though it can be. This straddles the border between song and poem.

[n/a] wilco › Sasha 9-May-04/2:32 PM Reply

Hence the little word "Lyric" next to the title.

[9] INTRANSIT 9-May-04/4:20 PM Reply

Groovy. 'Rita, please. no salt.

[9] deleted user 9-May-04/5:17 PM Reply

I don't see the bar scene as others do.
I tend to be blind to what others see.
I didn't see the moon "when the light went away."
I was too busy fighting, protecting my self
Putting off loving til "the end of a storm."
Crap, I say, to the poemranker storm.
Wish we all could just talk about poems.
Like this one, which I like quite a lot.

[n/a] wilco › deleted user 9-May-04/5:21 PM Reply

Thanks, H. I'm not exactly sure where all this talk of liquor came from because this song doesn't mention it and it's not about the bar scene...but I do like bars and liquor quite a lot so I'll let it slide. ;0)

[10] Stephen Robins 10-May-04/1:20 AM Reply

BLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

-10_

[n/a] wilco 10-May-04/12:46 PM Reply

I wonder why hypatia changed her name to "Deleted User".....I liked the old name better....

[9] Shuushin 10-May-04/6:59 PM Reply

That would work. yep, yes it would.

[n/a] wilco › Shuushin 10-May-04/7:10 PM Reply

You know what? Sometimes I think that this weighted scoring system is some sloppy slaw. How do I get six 9s, an 8 and a 10 and I still only have a 6.08? Sloppy slaw indeed.

[9] Shuushin › wilco 10-May-04/7:20 PM Reply

Boggles my mind but I think nentwined has a purty good handle on it, on the big picture.

It affects everyone the same, so - no worries.

[n/a] wilco › Shuushin 10-May-04/7:37 PM Reply

Oh, somehow....it works to perfection. I just like saying sloppy slaw.

[10] sliver 6-Jun-04/7:55 PM Reply

Sloppy what? Nothing I saw....10,10.

[10] sliver 16-Jun-04/7:59 PM Reply

You know, I've read this quite a few times now, and I like the first two stanza's, but I lost it or you lost it when you started in on the chorus. Could you try to find what you had when you started this and continue it as more of a poem than a song?

[n/a] wilco › sliver 16-Jun-04/9:50 PM Reply

I suppose I could, but this conveys the meaning that I want it to have (to me anyway). Its a song and is not really complete w/o the music. I feel that its good as is and don't feel the need to change it. Thanks for the comment though. It has to progress and I feel that it did. You must understand that the whole part about the moon exploding is drug induced in addition to metaphor. The rest is simply, as I said, progression as I see it.

[7] Mystictwilight 14-Sep-04/9:14 PM Reply

I liked it...good jod

[10] dancin_n_da_moonlite 16-Jan-05/9:52 PM Reply

wow.......blows my mind..........this is so ultimately excellent............10!!!!!!
-mega

[8] horus8 2-Feb-05/6:53 PM Reply

Are you Hewey Lewis?

[n/a] wilco › horus8 2-Feb-05/7:02 PM Reply

Nope, Kenny Loggins.

[n/a] Sisterwolf 23-Dec-05/1:41 PM Reply

Very unique voice here. Edgy and filled with
imagery. Good stuff here.