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A Thing I Must Do (Free verse) by Dovina Shoes and socks removed and carried
I walked across the infield grass.
At second base, I folded clothes
and set them on the plate.
Up somewhere in the darkness
of bleachers in the night
he sat watching me in moonlight
silent in his jeans.
A person hides in cotton
and needs to open up
reveal herself to the universe
all secrets told and known.
Turn on the lights and listen now
This is me and who I am
I stand for me, just me
I refuse to cringe and run.
Up the ladder:
Candles
Down the ladder:
Astronomical
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.2222223
Posted: February 1, 2005 8:58 PM PST; Last modified: February 1, 2005 8:58 PM PSTWeighted score: 6.111111 Overall Rank: 1107 Comments:
Makes tons of sense that you never made it past base 2 with the dude in the bleachers, perhaps you need a good shave?, or a night light to guide your non spatially aware ass.
One of your best in a while.
Surely you were not up in the stands, were you? Crakyamuni wants me to think he was, but with such a lame description of how I looked, he only wishes he was.
I can't explain ...i passed the borders of words ....
so dont ask me why ...but i love what you have written down because your poem {a thing i must do } meant a lot to me ..Dovina ...
Dear Prince, void of words,
Thanks
This is really good. I liked the first two stanzas, particularly the second. I didn't like so much the meta-commentary of the last 7 lines. If you are serious about this one, try rewriting the last half a few times and see if you can stay in the image more and let the image make the commentary. (it's the old show not tell. First two stanzas are Very Good showing. Last two are more telling)
I believe in telling. I think it's better than showing in many cases. But since you have expressed a like for this in general, my usual hard heart is softened, and I'll take a close look to see if maybe in this case showing might be better. If Dark Angel were to treast me with this kind of considedration, I'd let him tell me things instead of always having to destroy his ego and make him look like an ass.
Tell us what you believe we mean by 'show don't tell'.
Please, let's not rehash that. It's been gone over more on poemranker than a lone bitch beagel in a pack of males.
The 'show don't tell dictum' means that the poet must find images, or surface if you will, to convey what may be quite abstract. Now you can say 'you know that thing called hate they talk about, I feel that about trolls'. From this we know you hate trolls. Unfortunately we don't care because no one wants to know what a poet thinks about trolls. If you do not use the tools of the poet you are just talking arse and expecting us to care.
I'm hurt that you don't care whether I hate trolls. Maybe I'll write a paradelle showing how despicable trolls are, and I'll do it to change your opinion on whether I care. Would I then be showing? No, I'd just be telling in another way. I like telling, and I like showing, and I hate rules, including somebody's list entitled, "tools of the poet."
What? What is this?
Date rape at second base? Jesus Christ...
God, I can't risk having nentwined misplace my reply again. Who knows where it would end up this time - on Brittanyy's last post, probably.
Dovina, most feminists believe the sexes are different. Unequal, too, if you mean predisposed to different aptitudes and weaknesses which probably come out even if you can tally them all somehow and give things like petitpoint and soapopera-watching the same value as waging and winning wars and inventing aircrafts. You probably do; and I, with some qualifications, agree. That's not the point. The point is this poem is about a woman performing nude in a male arena for a lone watching man and thinking that's liberation. It's not. It's strippers' logic. If you were really empowered, you'd keep your clothes on.
It was for none of your presumed reasons, and empowerment for women is nonsense.
Funny, nentwined never pisplaces my comments. Why yours?
Why do you think empowerment for women is nonsense?
At any rate, I haven't presumed any reasons, just pointed out that "this poem is about a woman performing nude in a male arena for a lone watching man and thinking that's liberation". If I've presumed anything, it's that the undressed character is woman, for one, and she thinks her action is liberating, for another. If I'm wrong on either of these points, sorry. But then this poem has even less point than I've previously imagined. I suspect nentwined misplaces my comments and not yours because while you reply to comments and are replied to in a more or less one-to-one fashion (ie, one of your conversations makes a nice diagonal from top left to bottom right) made possible by your ubiquitous presence on poemranker, I can only make it online an hour a day (and at the end of your long day of posting, at that,) and spend a lot of my time replying to comments that have already gotten answers from others. The comment-heirarchy bug misplaces this kind of comments. Eg, if I reply to your "I believe in telling" comment now, nentwined'll put me after richa's comment or your "Please, let's not rehash that". That, and I think he's racist against Islams.
I am so very, very sorry that you are so mistreated by racist nentwined. Go for empowerment! Stand up for your rights, maybe stand nude in a stadium for your rights. But I wont join you in that cause. If I'm nude in a stadium it is for reasons the man in the stands knows.
I don't need to go for empowerment. I'm empowered by birth, being a man and a White.
Are the reasons "to fuck"? 313 view(s)
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I say again, this isn't bad. But questionably feminist, if that.
This "we're the same in all the areas that count" foofananny is the number one cause of women's hysteria in England today.
PS-This not only reflects poorly on yourself. It reflects poorly on your kind.
PPS-You're bound to be getting an idea of where you're wrong on averages by now. If so, you're bound to say zodiac contradicted himself right there. If we're distinguishing individual women from the average, how can I reflect poorly. Here's how:
(Sum of all women's reasoning faculties minus Dovina's)/(Women in the world minus Dovina) > (Sum of all women's reasoning faculties including Dovina's)/(Women in the world)
By saying I am merely one of a "kind" you exclude yourself any meaningful discussion.
SOME USER: On average, people are better than yeasts.
DOVINA: You miss the point. A few yeasts are superintelligent telekinetics.
As far as I can remember, I've never said anything about you being merely one of a 'kind'. You might want to check my above message a little more carefully, and then stop misusing words like "merely", "seems", "meaningful" and "hopeless Gay introvert" for what I can only imagine you consider insult value.
Dovina: Yeasts are good at what they do.
DOVINA: zodiac's "saying I am merely one of a "kind".
ZODIAC: No, no. I'm asking when I've ever said "ONE OF A KIND" or "MERELY". What? I haven't said those words exactly? Then you've gotten the wrong idea about things. Now give it up.
Are you trumped? Yes, you are.