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8 or 9 (Free verse) by tadpole Lime lily blossoms
One buttercup
Puttin rocks in my pocket
Skippin like a rock
Swingin so high
Coming back down
Cranberry Crayons
Slurpees and slides
That cool breeze on the sweat of a hot day
You know my name
Runnin amok
Feet in the mud
Good candy money
Fireworks, popsicles
Can I please?!
Homemade coloring pages
mint leaf tea
Only costs a quarter, a nickle, or one dime please
Up the ladder:
sleep
Down the ladder:
PLEASE VOTE FOR MELANIE
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.2222223
Posted: April 21, 2004 6:08 PM PDT; Last modified: April 21, 2004 6:08 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.111111 Overall Rank: 1113 Comments:
[5]
fluffigrbl11 @ 4.138.24.42
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22-Apr-04/12:17 AM
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Reply
cute, but the rocks & the pleases kinda throw me.
I love it. I would get rid of the double rocks in the first stanza, and remove one of the coins at the end, probably quarter. very good poem.
Hey thanks, yeah I just read it again and the rocks twice in a row is kinda too much and one less coin wouldn't hurt for sure either.
The rocks in the pocket grabbed me, the rest held me.
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