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Life (Free verse) by AmberDawn
Throughout life their is a struggle, it makes it hard to stay out of trouble. It all starts with love, in the beginning. Birth brings you here meant to leave winning. You left the dark to come into the light, you didn't know things wouldn't always go right. It's easy to be happy when this life begins, at first everyone seems to be your friend. Your family is there, unconditional love, just like our Lord, far up above. What is means to lose, you've yet to learn, you haven't seen yet how much you have to earn. You've never been lonely, don't know what it means. You believe life to be as easy as it now seems. As time goes by, you learn about pain. After the first time your never the same. This pain has now tainted your once pure soul, the trials of life will now take their toll. You begin to learn not everyone is what they seem, not everyone is playing for the same team. Jealousy makes enemies, when they could have been friends. When people act shady they lose in the end. Then you meet that one person, and they become your lover. You're soon to find out they're unlike any other. In love with them always is what you see, together forever is where you want to be. Life's always changing, it won't stay the same, you have to change with it to keep up in it's game. Peace is not constant, you sometimes will fight, but you have to compromise to keep things right. Together take comfort from the past, make your good memories always last. When death finally come, it comes like the night So when the darkness comes, don't try to fight. You need only to know that you've lived your life right.

Down the ladder: NonVerbal

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.857143
Weighted score: 4.6926384
Overall Rank: 12050
Posted: February 1, 2005 1:50 PM PST; Last modified: February 1, 2005 1:50 PM PST
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Comments:
[3] SupremeDreamer @ 216.99.240.156 | 1-Feb-05/4:48 PM | Reply
Ambitious, but ultimately found lacking.

Take smaller bites, little dabs of mustard, and eventually the sandwhich becomes whole.

(If that makes any sense... *shrug*)

Blessed with three.
[4] wilco @ 24.165.207.93 | 1-Feb-05/4:54 PM | Reply
Being as this is the second poem I've read today called "Life", I can't, just can't. First, you need to learn to proofread, or at least you spellcheck. Then, try writing about something else. All this positivity is a bad thing to be posting here. If you're going to be positive, at least mask it. ;)

On the plus side, you have a great chance of making it onto -=D_A=-'s Love/Above Liste. Congrats.
[7] sliver @ 198.81.26.47 | 2-Feb-05/8:34 AM | Reply
Some misspelling, Your metre is off also. Just a word or two omitted or added in places may help some.While I admit compromise does often help, there are times when you absolutely cannot give on an issue.
[n/a] AmberDawn @ 205.188.116.67 | 2-Feb-05/11:58 AM | Reply
I wrote this poem when I was 15, I submitted it hoping that I would recieve helpful criticism. The spelling errors are due to my putting the poem in while at work, therefore on a time restriction. Any comments that will actually help would be appreciated. Otherwise, thanks for nothing.
[6] Bluemonkey @ 170.141.68.99 > AmberDawn | 2-Feb-05/1:06 PM | Reply
Tottaly without trying to be mean, this is not the place to find helpful criticism. You may get a little from a few users, but mostly you will find crass, bitter poet who will berate you until the end of time.
[n/a] AmberDawn @ 205.188.116.138 > Bluemonkey | 2-Feb-05/1:33 PM | Reply
Not mean at all, I appreciate an honest person. Do you know anywhere that has a more friendly, helpful cast of users?
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.130.62.63 | 2-Feb-05/6:56 PM | Reply
You must be a FEELUCIFER.
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