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Save our Self(revised to be a trek into the vent tent) (Free verse) by Crakyamuni
There is a function for this thing I have it cannot be, but only wills Pushing itself into itself, it denies instrumental in design, benign and blind A bullet for building The preachers prey in paradise,causing young children to run from this sight Further into sweet delight Deeper into endless night Driven Dying But never, EVER<EVER crying death before honesty Denial Entrenched in the wretched waste of a four year hangover we have never been glad to be spiritually sober Hangers on are falling in, into the sacred hotel of sin singing,hoping for revelations finding hell in satiation pointing sacramental scented icons "dashing dapper gents and Don Juans" "Not enough your smiling ways" "You must leave, but your soul will stay" They found my sacred heart smelly and repugnant but they recycle, so they exclaimed "fuggit" "We can make 3.50, and buy a couple charcoal filtered" "Look at the design on this chumps soul we pilfered" "I think it's some reference to a triumph of the masses" Like Johnny football painter, and those oracles he passes It's radiating something, maybe mismanaged mutual worship "I think he's living in it, it's best if we just torch it"

Up the ladder: Cloche.
Down the ladder: save a class now

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 4.25
Weighted score: 4.910598
Overall Rank: 9614
Posted: February 1, 2005 10:27 AM PST; Last modified: February 2, 2005 4:00 PM PST
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Comments:
[4] Dovina @ 12.72.3.142 | 1-Feb-05/8:54 PM | Reply
Doesn't make sense.
[n/a] Crakyamuni @ 131.252.231.114 > Dovina | 2-Feb-05/9:35 AM | Reply
Doesn't make sense? Doesn't make fu*ckin sense?! Yeah, so look around. It's all sense and sensibility in life isn't it my dear? Just God's glories tits leaking out beauty and structure. You have the sensibilities of a jackrabbit from tucson, az.

You got some nerve lady. Shaken not stirred.

Clear enough.
[n/a] richa @ 81.178.239.228 > Crakyamuni | 2-Feb-05/9:44 AM | Reply
excellent deployment of the chewbacca defense.
[n/a] Crakyamuni @ 131.252.231.114 > richa | 2-Feb-05/9:55 AM | Reply
Chewbacca? I,m not nearly as poignant in my defensive tactics. I'd like to think John Cage, or Da Vinci.

Yo. I'm a skeptic.
[n/a] Crakyamuni @ 131.252.180.201 > Dovina | 2-Feb-05/3:07 PM | Reply

It did. I'm sorry for the limp lashing I did this a.m. I doubt it phased you, and yet it was unbecoming.

I've got things. Not your problem though.

I enjoy your work, and I guess thats why it was petty to be as insulting as I was. I got defensive.

Apologies.
[6] Bluemonkey @ 170.141.68.99 | 2-Feb-05/1:08 PM | Reply
Ok, how's this: It makes sense, it just sucks. :0)
[n/a] Crakyamuni @ 131.252.180.201 > Bluemonkey | 2-Feb-05/2:54 PM | Reply
This is good. Honesty,good.
[n/a] Crakyamuni @ 131.252.180.201 > Bluemonkey | 2-Feb-05/3:03 PM | Reply

Also, where did you find that high horse? It seems you can only spit worthless slander. You haven't posted up, but you still whip out the old drowsy one liners.

Make something. Then come back with malice.
[6] Bluemonkey @ 170.141.68.99 > Crakyamuni | 3-Feb-05/10:40 AM | Reply
I have no delusions that I have an ounce of talent in the field of poetry. I do, however, know poetry. Being unable to write does not mean being unable to read.
[n/a] Crakyamuni @ 131.252.182.19 > Bluemonkey | 3-Feb-05/4:44 PM | Reply
Not trying doesn't mean being incapable of success.

In any case I appreciate the comment.

Mark
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.38.134.51 > Crakyamuni | 6-Feb-05/2:28 AM | Reply
pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
[n/a] Crakyamuni @ 65.54.97.193 > zodiac | 6-Feb-05/3:22 PM | Reply
tuh.
[7] wilco @ 24.165.207.93 | 2-Feb-05/3:13 PM | Reply
I'm really not sure what's going on here...maybe you could add a little bit more to help paint at least a little bit better picture. I'm all about abstract, but you gotta give a little more I think.
[n/a] Crakyamuni @ 131.252.180.201 > wilco | 2-Feb-05/4:15 PM | Reply
wilco- A phenomenal band.

I've now completely eliminated all traces of the O.G. S.o.S.
due to my own distaste for it. It was about despair,obvious, maybe, but I'm in some straits right now. I feel bound to this dilemma, but crippled, without any options except blind denial.
This vent tent revision is a return to a sort of stream of thought structure, which is very loose and sometimes confusing, but not contrived. I find this process can help me create something temporary but stable(like a tent),and it's rather therapeutic.
I'm not seeking kudos here, or trying to contend with the prophets, but life's frustrations need an apparatus. I'm drawing with words. I'm a visual artist by blood, and a non practicing catholic in recovery, as well as an admirer of poets.

You write with an honest tone in your comment, thats so rare, Thankyou.

Mark
[7] wilco @ 24.165.207.93 > Crakyamuni | 2-Feb-05/7:32 PM | Reply
You've got some good lines here, and I think if you work on it some more, you might be able to get more cohesion. The stream of thought thing works, but oftentimes you still have to revise it so that it makes sense to the reader on some level. I can pick out things here that I understand, but then it goes to something else. I rarely edit my writing based on what people want and I rarely reveal what they are about. My feeling on it is that you need to derive your own meaning from it. At least in abstract cases. Some poems are good because you get it and some are good because everything works, even though you might not understand it. Worth working on.
[n/a] Crakyamuni @ 131.252.180.201 | 2-Feb-05/4:01 PM | Reply

I revised that crappiness. I'm completely ready for all negative stabs and jabs. Bring the pain.
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.130.62.63 | 2-Feb-05/6:59 PM | Reply
This would be great if the title
Was 'There Is Life On Uranus"
AKA 'The Humped Meat Loaf's, MMM-GOOOOOD"
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