Re: a comment on The Chamber by nothingtoanyone	14-Jun-04/7:13 PM
It's like a handsome boy who never bathes and wears high-water pants; no matter what, he's always just as beautiful as ever. But if a boy's so-so he's got to look his best, or he'll be thought of as a loser. Your poem's not good enough to take the rules for granted.
Re: Love by pshah4life	12-Jun-04/6:58 PM
Shut up.
Re: Of Absinthe and Asphalt by pain killer	12-Jun-04/6:53 PM
What a complete bore you are.
Re: a comment on The Businessman by abcmonkey78	12-Jun-04/6:49 PM
Did your instructor shoot himself, or just throw-up?
Re: Lost by arduinn	12-Jun-04/6:46 PM
A substancial as a miracle whip and cheez-whiz sandwich, and just as tasty.
Re: Visions Divulge by thing1	12-Jun-04/6:36 PM
Schizophrenia deluxe.
Re: The Chamber by nothingtoanyone	12-Jun-04/6:32 PM
Are you mis-spelling all those words on purpose? Not to mention the lack of grammar.
Re: fire has its own logic by impert&ent	11-Jun-04/8:39 PM
There's something innocent and frail about this poem, probably the honesty and use of everyday words. Lovely, your poem. She's got a few problems but they're small. Is this a first edit?
Re: a comment on The Ocean Prefers A Sunset by wilco	11-Jun-04/8:20 PM
Much. some redundances you really should keep an eye out for: 'dancing waltzes...' the waltzes suggests dancing already, you might consider leaving the dancing out, helps with the flow of the image. 'and hoping for an evening rain to fall' Rain falls, everybody knows that so again, you could make things prettier by leaving '...to fall' out of it. Small little things make all the difference. Like Nanas embroidered napkin tucked under the silverware, or cleaning the mirror in the bathroom. I love the second stanza, the relationship between birth and death. Try not to use 'her' twice in one sentence if you can help it. the her in the final sentence is uncertain, which girl are you longing for? That last sentence could use 'She' at the beginning. Real good. Nice job.
Re: A Strenuous Recollection by Doug	11-Jun-04/7:50 PM
What can I say you're like so totally awesome. i f I lived next door to you I'd spend the whole day pining at the kitchen window, waiting for you to walk out the front door, then I'd 'conveniently(teehee) step outside just hoping maybe you'd notice the new hip-huggers I bought at Nordstroms with the 80 bucks I save up from my allowance the birthday money! It must be great to be you. Nice use of torper, and lassitude.
Re: The Gray Idea by Doug	11-Jun-04/7:38 PM
wow, this is amazing!!! 'Struggling...strangled by hands of chance(and clocks)' You're so insightful, you know, you really have your thumb on the pulse of life. I especially like the way you capitalized Fate and Time, really drives the message home. Welcome to poemranker! :)
Re: Bugs by INTRANSIT	11-Jun-04/1:40 PM
I love the way you've structured this. I'm so proud of you.
Re: First Kiss by david	11-Jun-04/12:44 PM
Nice poem. I read this aloud 5 times and it seems to me the '...fishbowl...' line doesn't belong, it takes away from the image you've created. It's a good line, but sometimes we have to toss the good ones away, or save them for some better use. I think if you end the stanza at '... years' it works better. Then begin a new stanza with 'It...'. I prefer '...a clay pot.' to '...her clay pot.'. Since you title the poem 1st Kiss don't you think '...kiss' at the end of the penultimate line works better? the last line is grammatically confusing. As written you could be saying the kisses left them with a craving for decades. Is that what you meant to say? If not try saying ...................., the kiss That left, for decades, its taste in their mouthes.
Re: sweet surrender by francis nor capule	11-Jun-04/8:57 AM
How is this a poem? Are you a mental retard?
Re: my unicorn by francis nor capule	11-Jun-04/8:50 AM
Good gravy twice.
Re: A Wishful Way Of Life by Blindpoetry	11-Jun-04/8:48 AM
Very interesting structure. Cold and analytical. Chose better words.
Re: The Ocean Prefers A Sunset by wilco	11-Jun-04/8:38 AM
'...seems to me.' is simply awful. 'I'M standing on the shoreline...' I don't mean to dismiss her I think is very insightful, could be read many ways.
Re: Even manic dreamers must face Atropos by SupremeDreamer	11-Jun-04/8:33 AM
'When one knows the truth it's easy to lie' Nice. You should work on this, it could be great.
Re: A life unsure by sliver	10-Jun-04/6:23 PM
1. You never tell us who he is, in relationship to you or the world. 0 2. What is the ambrosia, the fear, the roses? 0 3. Designate what? 0 4. Drifting where? 0 5. Retrospect? So far there's nothing to look at backwards or forwards. 0 6. His agility was found by what act? 0 etc. etc. etc... Everything in this poem is completely vague, how can the audience relate to or feel the emotion of something without emotion. Can you tell me what the emotion is in this poem? No, I didn't think so. I don't have time to keep repeating myself over and over again when I read a poem that's completely in trouble. Take a class, pay someone to help you, or read books on writing poetry. Nothing in your work is clear or dramatic. You show terrible taste in your choice of words. Personally, I honestly don't think you'll ever be any good at writing poetry. Poets are born not made. You can improve, but only so far. You're poetically tone deaf. there are you happy now?
Re: Of Painting by thepinkbunnyofdoom	10-Jun-04/12:47 PM
Nice poem. You don't need to ask that rhetorical question, it's childish and ineffective. It truly is a masterpiece Of criticism. Your painting? Your painting looks like shit...