Re: WHEN by Samantha	5-Dec-03/7:17 PM
jail [cell] walking + shut[ting], or walk and shut - pick one. better yet, "walk[ed]" peircing s/b piercing I dunno, the repetition didn't quite work for me although I like the *idea* of the repetition - it reminds me of a ghazal. Maybe 1000 piercing nails isn't scary enough - I thought the lions were more so - a 1000 lions... hmmmm.
Re: Saying of Love by UrbaneSavvy	5-Dec-03/7:11 PM
waterheavy flows - wary nyce. I think its "how I and you", just for gigs. What do you think - does that sound right? "wondering how I turned into we", - versus "wondering how me turned into we" ... where are the grammar cops when you need them?? I think the shoes are a little heavy on this one, but there is a sense here with some word images that you are capable of much more.
Re: The last Celebrity death match (On ice) by <{Baba^Yaga}>	5-Dec-03/12:14 PM
Ja JA - that vuld be awesum!! ([slams fist on table] nicht war??)
Re: a comment on life in general by timvick473662003	4-Dec-03/9:37 AM
Get it??? No PROPHET in it!! HAAA - OOoooh. Thats a good one.
Re: life in general by timvick473662003	4-Dec-03/9:36 AM
What you have here is a list of poems that are waiting for you to write (God told me to tell you that - that, and "tell him to wash his Me-damned socks"). I used to do more of this "mouthpiece of God" thing, but there's no prophet in it.
Re: ?? by timvick473662003	4-Dec-03/9:30 AM
A sorrowful sentiment - but there is truth in it. I'm torn whether to crit on the simplicity of it - the easy idiom with blue moon, the telling not showing... but you know what? the effect is to add to the sense of ennui. The title even adds to the defeated/deflated realism. I've done maybe a half dozen poems with a similar theme and really they all boil down to the same thing; they boil down to this. So - have an 8 and keep writing.
Re: Devilution by Jeremi B. Handrinos	3-Dec-03/1:37 PM
I much like this - is most excerrent. You pumped this out quickly too, didn't you?
Re: my hunger has become a hunger for revenge by nentwined	3-Dec-03/1:33 PM
this is good [smiling, slowly backs toward door] "My dumpling's plumb been plucked, and by a lesser man," - an excellent line.
Re: An Ode to Gobbling by horus8	29-Nov-03/2:23 PM
heh - funny - but "mouthful of pee"? blech. deft weaving of rythm and rhyme; have a nine. -9-
Re: A Good Stretch by kingit	29-Nov-03/2:16 PM
I like it lots - but I struggle for meaning - a sexual encounter? This thing you do with the line spaces and break... works. A pleasant, inviting cadence. -9-
Re: 0 by MacFrantic	27-Nov-03/10:19 PM
such things do boggle the mind.
Re: Mr Zero? Your a coward. by DreamerSupreme	26-Nov-03/10:16 PM
ditto
Re: a comment on Tales of Woah (Episode #1 Corp. Shin Shines) by Jeremi B. Handrinos	26-Nov-03/11:43 AM
Proud then, regardless of length.
Re: a comment on Tales of Woah (Episode #1 Corp. Shin Shines) by Jeremi B. Handrinos	25-Nov-03/10:35 PM
Forgive me if I appear to in anyway malign the long, proud history - dating back to 9:22AM, May 22, 2001, of these fantasmical, comical cartoon scripts. This, kind sir, was not my intention. When faced with such a conglomeration of compacted text - intelligent and coherent though it may be, my eyes begin to glaze over with the dust of struggling comprehension and I feel my eyes tilting backward into my head such that they threaten to fall into my lungs, one per each. I seek the relative comfort of shorter sentences; fewer words, and cadence that is provided by poetry’s light verse in order to calm my simplistic and smoooth brain. I wish sometimes that in addition to "sonnet", "lyric", "sestina", etc. - we might also have "prose" - so that I may be spared the verbal onslaught that such a[n] glorious festival such as is displayed above and therefore avoid the discomfort afforded to my fragile constitution.
Re: Grind by INTRANSIT	25-Nov-03/9:03 PM
interesting. I have pause with this bit: "This fathom My fathom underneath " - was this intentional; the abruptness and lack of punctuation with the next line capped makes me scratch my head. the line with edible dirt has a very nice impression to it. not sure what to make of this one, but generally I'm the happier for it. have a sideways infinity (and yes, I have that line in something already) -8-
Re: Tales of Woah (Episode #1 Corp. Shin Shines) by Jeremi B. Handrinos	25-Nov-03/8:59 PM
Catchy character names, to be sure, and it should do well on www.proseranker.com.
Re: a comment on thor an his hammer by baphomet	21-Nov-03/5:59 AM
Roger that - but I think the misspellings somehow work here, no - no worries. As to my publishing career - time will tell; I claim no special [mad skilz] or credentials for the value of my comments. Usually people feel something amiss then the crit is just an echo of that. [cue music] My only desire is to honestly convey constructive crits whenever it's possible (though sometimes... they... [the voices]... force me...).
Re: a comment on Intersection by INTRANSIT	20-Nov-03/11:24 AM
the poll reference, previously mentioned. gazing on gaze. grinding line, if anything specific.
Re: The lasts of Joe by Freethinker1602	20-Nov-03/8:57 AM
This is desperate frustration pleasantly and simply delivered - I'm tempted to not like that it might be *too* simple - but it works. how in god's name did you put seven poems up? -8-
Re: Blessing in desguise by GekoHawaii	20-Nov-03/8:09 AM
Excellent handle :O) The poem... "It keeps us human in our minds And whispers to us sweet reminds" is very nice "Then would I feel emotion true Or would emotions grow askew?" is a not so nice (*very*) difficult to pull off questions, especially in first person). As a lyric is flows along well enough with the usual disclaimers, but i think you might be better served to make the same observations from another perspective and make it a poem. -7-