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Tales of Woah (Episode #1 Corp. Shin Shines) (Other) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
Out of blue door number two in the accounting corridor at the Noble men’s slightly Asian bordello. On the grandest side of Poo-Hio. Strut the daring and moderately influential Corporeal Shin Shines. You could tell right away by the glow upon his fingers, and those stains upon his upper lip folds that he had been working diligently all morning felching away at some poverty stricken peasant's last egg hen, and moulde cow. Alas; the micro-phoned wind-chimes in the Ovatorium chinkled lowest noon. And you know what that means fellows? Time for a gloving and diet soda poppy on the Rock a Billies. In neon socks with matching bow tie our flat haired Corporeal pulls rank on his fellow CRAP's (Counting Rats At Pews) and puts himself in a finer position for a proper mulching. Pulling his new teeth from the front of his digital vest. He squats down and grazes in hopes to not see the approach of the glove when it arrived. Life was always more livelier when one was surprised. That's why when the glove never came? He knew his time was near, and he punched out, and kicked stones all the way home to the Beaver Damn Towers. The crib of his Drats and Dillmommas. But they had all been informed of his shunning by the Glove, and had taken it upon themselves to beat one another to death with Motown 8 tracks. The scene was too much for our hero, So he went into the closet to vacuum forever after ever, and then some. In the closet the skeletons piped away at their Church Brass. Shin Shines whistled along with them, depressed, and fidgeting with something in his pocket. 'Twas his class ring. A huge god-awful contraption of gold, gems, and memories. Disgusted by the weight of the hulking tribute, he hurled it at the Gay Boynge's choir of ghastlies. To which they femured him a ballad, known in the closet as the "Ballad, of the straighter guy" That's when Shins waived himself over a soft shelled turtle waxing with a back full of edibles and squinties, and he got his fix on, and it fixed nothing, not even his rusted plumbing. Nodding away at a dessert tray some time later, Shins, in a moment of Holy ghost fillings, leapt up upon the sweet wheeled gurney, and confessed to his audience of one, to how he had accidentally forked his mom's toaster, and sent his seed to be warehoused at the Good Guys (an appliance outlet store). Inevitably, forcing the Glove to shake its index finger long and back and forth, in perpetual tsks for eternity at him. To that our hero had an Epiphany! If I fuck my dad it'll all be even... But the lights had dimmed by then, and the elbow girls had shimmied on home. The last American condor took a healthy shit on a cool slit red Yugo out front blowing out one of its front tires, and the magistrate was loud speakering "Closing Time". Shins, did just that, he closed his eyes, and made love to six portions of hard under the tabled gum for the last time in his splinted life, and tired daily dulleries. After busting a gutty nut, he took off his belt and spanked himself plum to death.

Up the ladder: Questions Need Answers
Down the ladder: Suburban Spleen

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.537883
Overall Rank: 2563
Posted: November 25, 2003 4:01 PM PST; Last modified: November 25, 2003 4:17 PM PST
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Comments:
[7] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.252.72 | 25-Nov-03/7:29 PM | Reply
beautiful funny nonsense. and what of your screen play? my hooven brother.
[n/a] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 25-Nov-03/8:59 PM | Reply
Catchy character names, to be sure, and it should do well on www.proseranker.com.
[8] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.180.206 > Shuushin | 25-Nov-03/9:48 PM | Reply
Prose? these poetic cartoon scripts started long ago- before I sprouted into an inkstained underling, why back then, I was not even a green-crusted seedling!!

Tis a long standing tradition now- rankerfolk have witnessed such pieces being unveiled by many rankelders, underlings, prawnes- flyin fucktoads!? theres too many characters to name since its gone on so long.

And now proserankers shall cherish the skit-tree born'n'rooted by our kind? Those bastards haven't even been moulded or green-crusted!!! UNWORTHY would-be-maybes? blasphemy!!! such profane suggestion is enough to bring about the coming of DarkFeather and his league of nude poopdeck-prawnes to spread the embrowning. BE SHAMED YOUR WRETCHED SPOKESMAN OF RANKER'PEN-SINS!!
[n/a] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > SupremeDreamer | 25-Nov-03/10:35 PM | Reply
Forgive me if I appear to in anyway malign the long, proud history - dating back to 9:22AM, May 22, 2001, of these fantasmical, comical cartoon scripts. This, kind sir, was not my intention.

When faced with such a conglomeration of compacted text - intelligent and coherent though it may be, my eyes begin to glaze over with the dust of struggling comprehension and I feel my eyes tilting backward into my head such that they threaten to fall into my lungs, one per each. I seek the relative comfort of shorter sentences; fewer words, and cadence that is provided by poetry’s light verse in order to calm my simplistic and smoooth brain.

I wish sometimes that in addition to "sonnet", "lyric", "sestina", etc. - we might also have "prose" - so that I may be spared the verbal onslaught that such a[n] glorious festival such as is displayed above and therefore avoid the discomfort afforded to my fragile constitution.
[8] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.160.42 > Shuushin | 26-Nov-03/12:45 AM | Reply
The title alone warned you.. atleast I knew it was going to be another delightful comic script: (Episode #1 Corp. Shin Shines)

It's not as if you weren't given a clue?
[n/a] Shardik @ 24.126.116.54 > Shuushin | 26-Nov-03/11:02 AM | Reply
That date is arguable.
[n/a] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.53 > Shardik | 26-Nov-03/11:43 AM | Reply
Proud then, regardless of length.
[8] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.166.105 | 25-Nov-03/9:03 PM | Reply
reminds me of DA's "Gilded Stumps of Olde"
but less of the baffle humor.. well, cmon now- its hard to beat stuff like:

"beating a blindfolded slave about the pate with his left badmington racket, all the while lubricating him with a greased parson's nose."

But you nearly matched that when you mentioned the turtle and rusted plumbing.

should write up confrontation between Corp. Shin Shines & Captain Gaybrush Threepchoad- I'd pay to read it lol.

Blessed with 8.


[7] the_poetess @ 205.188.116.135 | 9-Mar-05/4:29 PM | Reply
alot of your work tends to be good but it is extremely long and exhausting to read - might i suggest making it a bit shorter - it would be more effective and i bet more people would read it

-emili
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