Re: bonsai by richa	16-Dec-03/8:23 AM
loose the "his" and make a change to "corrects a branch" (singular is more powerful here, methinks; adds to the implied perfection)
Re: bonsai by richa	16-Dec-03/7:45 AM
Lots of really nice imagery. I like the sun cradled by branches and ref. to crossed legs of a cow - nice way to express that black branches white body thing birches do. Maybe "calf" would express a thinner body?? At first I thought it was "crow", and I liked that for different reasons (easy way to show lots of small branches) - so, an option, I guess (I might use that!). Hacksaw? Though you may be expressing a sarcstic point of view, universally bonsai refers to growing a plant or a tree in a dish or shallow pot (thats what the word means) - so, I'm having trouble with the title. Forgive my rambling (again), but I could live with the title if the ranger were to make a very small cut with clippers or something, even on a full sized tree - in this way you could keep all of your well-made scenery. Hey, maybe add a modifier to the title to compensate for the context?
Re: Christ For Sale by Caducus	12-Dec-03/9:44 PM
Nicely constructed, if a tad long.
Re: Dolphins Of Dorset by Caducus	12-Dec-03/9:40 PM
btw - I like this. Has an unforced flow to it.
Re: a comment on A Cup Of Tea & Company by Caducus	12-Dec-03/9:37 PM
I know the feeling, I get "anonymous" blue zeroed a couple times a week - twice today. this time, it was lydia/CLS - just because you haven't used a particular IP address here before, doesn't mean you are invisible; Solly, no. How does one maintain even a shred of self-esteem? Is it a guilty pleasure like stealing an extra chocolate? Hey - have one on me (again!). Anyway, congrats on your best listing, but I'm sorry that I don't even check it anymore - I prefer to savor the [fleeting] memory of seeing my name there in nine places.
Re: The man of steel by <{Baba^Yaga}>	12-Dec-03/9:01 AM
A nice quick and jaunty one-off. Probably built itself - maybe could use some reformatting/restructuring now that you know what it's about. entertaining in any case.
Re: Without you by Luv2write	12-Dec-03/8:20 AM
I dunno. could do without a few of the cliches and stock images. I actually thought maybe it was satire toward the middle there, started hoping for a twist ending. Must be getting jaded in my old age.
Re: The Morning Star by Shardik	8-Dec-03/8:34 PM
"I didn't dare ask who's Cause it felt like mine..." sweeeet.
Re: Memory Fragment I (lets kill eachother) by SupremeDreamer	8-Dec-03/6:12 AM
a nice pothead snapshot. Funny. reminds me of a newstory I read last week about a guy who wanted to eat someone so he put an ad in the paper and someone responded. They ate the guys arms together then he killed the doner and ate the rest of him. All consentual (the guy still got in trouble, seems murder is *illegal*). true story.
Re: The Poison by TheTiredTyrant	8-Dec-03/5:52 AM
This is quite good. A bumping cadence that keeps things interesting.
Re: To W by kingit	7-Dec-03/6:28 PM
Here's a nine, mr. pillsbury.
Re: a comment on EGG by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	7-Dec-03/2:57 PM
This is some hilarious shit - all of it. Big thank you's all around. i thought it was a prawne.
Re: a comment on Fireworks on an Open Sky by capachijim	6-Dec-03/11:01 PM
I use it as one or two. Whatever works in my favor.
Re: No delusions. by darby pyn	6-Dec-03/5:50 AM
Interesting format, and I like the words/mood. I think it wants to be more though. Longer - stick a vaccuum pump on it.
Re: a comment on No delusions. by darby pyn	6-Dec-03/5:46 AM
Hey, ah - what's a carajou?
Re: Reno by <{Baba^Yaga}>	5-Dec-03/8:14 PM
A lyric... - kindof like a Lou Reed type thing? That would work, but I feel like I'm missing the context of this, somehow. The little vignettes are done well - the rhyming stays *just* this side of being contrived. The comments, even though they are over a year old, are pretty entertaining. What prompted the re-post?
Re: Letting Go by ThoughtfulSoul	5-Dec-03/7:58 PM
This is me blabbering: The line breaks are telling - even the stanza breaks; well done. Either you've seen lots of good poems, or you have more good ones. But some of the word choices, metaphors are – too easy, to my eye, anyway. Sentimentally, it’s a fairly basic, almost cathartic exercise, but cleanly - efficiently - executed. The tone matches the subject really well. Maybe you’ve just made lots of *this type* of poem. For some reason the frickin thing intrigues me - makes me want to figure it out, as if there is more here. It’s like I want to see the skills used on some other subject, I want the adept structure building to match the images that are placed on it. Now I have to go poke around at your other stuff (when I really should just go to bed, obviously)
Re: xxxmas by kingit	5-Dec-03/7:31 PM
excerrent up to "Eggnog" - its the stacato rum that breaks it. the last stanza... first two lines, fine. The rest - would go nice in a diff. piece methinks.
Re: Mr Zero? I know who you are. by DreamerSupreme	5-Dec-03/7:24 PM
I'm never comfortable with the ranker used for bashing like this. Sure, it can inspire a poem - JBH is good with that kind of thing (and I'm fine with that), but this is just - ungood. Go ahead - bash me now. whatever.
Re: a comment on WHEN by Samantha	5-Dec-03/7:18 PM
turn around *slowly*, mr. reznor....