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Letting Go (Free verse) by ThoughtfulSoul
Pleading me to admit I'm lonely Begging me to admit I'm sad Straining to uderstand who I am While you constantly come down on me Anger has come between us Even though hatred has lingered between us for such a long time My feelings can no longer be hidden for my ability to stand you has dissipated With every waking moment I struggle to find out who I really am Because I know the person I was when I was with you is not who I truly am Without the hatred Without the anger Without the bitterness Without the confusion I know who I am I know what I am I know I have transformed leaving the dead shell of my former self behind

Up the ladder: Lonely People
Down the ladder: A Strenuous Recollection

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
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.. 01
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.. 10
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.. 10
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.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Weighted score: 5.179294
Overall Rank: 4838
Posted: December 4, 2003 9:38 AM PST; Last modified: December 4, 2003 9:38 AM PST
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Comments:
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 5-Dec-03/7:58 PM | Reply
This is me blabbering:

The line breaks are telling - even the stanza breaks; well done. Either you've seen lots of good poems, or you have more good ones. But some of the word choices, metaphors are – too easy, to my eye, anyway.

Sentimentally, it’s a fairly basic, almost cathartic exercise, but cleanly - efficiently - executed. The tone matches the subject really well. Maybe you’ve just made lots of *this type* of poem.

For some reason the frickin thing intrigues me - makes me want to figure it out, as if there is more here. It’s like I want to see the skills used on some other subject, I want the adept structure building to match the images that are placed on it.

Now I have to go poke around at your other stuff (when I really should just go to bed, obviously)
[9] The_Third_Isis @ 68.5.128.151 | 6-Dec-03/7:58 PM | Reply
Having someone come down on you is not too bad.. did he/she have bad breath? it's like this you start humming on the road again or Hit the road jack whatever it may be, make an excuse to go just go...because hell wherever you go there you are..love is for ever but during the holidays its a bitch like me..so i give you a 9, try not to strain unless its kegell hold it 1 trhu 10.. or an exorsism and you cant keep that father fuckeeeng demon down..slammm that prick hard with J. Mannings torn lifeless arm.Happy decking the halls with the same fellows, cranium or was it he's "pilminarys lungs"whatever... drink some misttle toe eggnog for me it will make things not soconfusing and bitter ,cheers!
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