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Letting Go (Free verse) by ThoughtfulSoul Pleading me to admit I'm lonely
Begging me to admit I'm sad
Straining to uderstand who I am
While you constantly come down on me
Anger has come between us
Even though hatred has lingered between
us for such a long time
My feelings can no longer be hidden
for my ability to stand you has dissipated
With every waking moment I struggle
to find out who I really am
Because I know the person I was when I was with
you is not who I truly am
Without the hatred
Without the anger
Without the bitterness
Without the confusion
I know who I am
I know what I am
I know I have transformed
leaving the dead shell of my former self behind
Up the ladder:
Treblinka Re-opened
Down the ladder:
johnny dowd
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Posted: December 4, 2003 9:38 AM PST; Last modified: December 4, 2003 9:38 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.179294 Overall Rank: 4843 Comments:
Having someone come down on you is not too bad.. did he/she have bad breath? it's like this you start humming on the road again or Hit the road jack whatever it may be, make an excuse to go just go...because hell wherever you go there you are..love is for ever but during the holidays its a bitch like me..so i give you a 9, try not to strain unless its kegell hold it 1 trhu 10.. or an exorsism and you cant keep that father fuckeeeng demon down..slammm that prick hard with J. Mannings torn lifeless arm.Happy decking the halls with the same fellows, cranium or was it he's "pilminarys lungs"whatever... drink some misttle toe eggnog for me it will make things not soconfusing and bitter ,cheers!
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The line breaks are telling - even the stanza breaks; well done. Either you've seen lots of good poems, or you have more good ones. But some of the word choices, metaphors are â too easy, to my eye, anyway.
Sentimentally, itâs a fairly basic, almost cathartic exercise, but cleanly - efficiently - executed. The tone matches the subject really well. Maybe youâve just made lots of *this type* of poem.
For some reason the frickin thing intrigues me - makes me want to figure it out, as if there is more here. Itâs like I want to see the skills used on some other subject, I want the adept structure building to match the images that are placed on it.
Now I have to go poke around at your other stuff (when I really should just go to bed, obviously)