Shuushin5 Dec 2003

This is me blabbering:

The line breaks are telling - even the stanza breaks; well done. Either you've seen lots of good poems, or you have more good ones. But some of the word choices, metaphors are – too easy, to my eye, anyway.

Sentimentally, it’s a fairly basic, almost cathartic exercise, but cleanly - efficiently - executed. The tone matches the subject really well. Maybe you’ve just made lots of *this type* of poem.

For some reason the frickin thing intrigues me - makes me want to figure it out, as if there is more here. It’s like I want to see the skills used on some other subject, I want the adept structure building to match the images that are placed on it.

Now I have to go poke around at your other stuff (when I really should just go to bed, obviously)