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Without you (Free verse) by Luv2write
I remember when I told you the first time And you turned your head and smiled And with the cruel smile my heart was broken I had loved you I continued And then, someone new Who I blindly thought could replace you Seconds passed and now Wishing for your arms Your ocean eyes of soothing bluegreen That was all I ever wanted All I never had All I could never own. And your smile, the light in my pit Of dark lonliness Appearing at the end of a tunnel of Dispair. They warned me "Stay away from the light" They said "It's dangerous! Don't go near it!" But I turned away from them, focused only on The light. Then your smile faded, the light was hidden from me I was lost. I had no direction, no purpose I abandoned my mission of reaching the light Turned by back and ran away Then the light reappeared, and I crawled back Now, so close. But I can't move closer You won't let me And all I long to do is reach out and touch you Kiss you Tell you that I cannot live without you The light burns brigther, but no longer in my path. For the light has moved on And now I am alone With nothing. I am alone Without you. I am alone. I am alone.

Up the ladder: Sweet Goodbye

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Weighted score: 5.134471
Overall Rank: 5586
Posted: December 11, 2003 7:40 PM PST; Last modified: December 11, 2003 7:43 PM PST
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Comments:
[7] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.52 | 12-Dec-03/8:20 AM | Reply
I dunno. could do without a few of the cliches and stock images.

I actually thought maybe it was satire toward the middle there, started hoping for a twist ending.

Must be getting jaded in my old age.
[6] dragonfly @ 65.234.234.150 | 12-Dec-03/10:06 PM | Reply
I don't think you mention "the light" enough times.
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