Castaway

Member since 2003 · Posted 4 Feb 2004 · Edited 5 Feb 2004 · 9 comments

The flow of the sea is lost to men who are caught inside her storm. You sway with fear, still loathing nature's regret. The tempest surges, boat capsized in water's search for nooks and crannies. To blame her -- foolish, futile. Don't forget, precipitation falls on all who said the rain would never come. Certainties, like her, are no more truth than lies. What does denial beget? You'll drown while currents tear you asunder. Why this urge to swim against peace? She knows. ======================== note: this is an oscillitet, a form of my own creation rhyme and meter grow inward to a culminating heroic couplet also serving as the central thought for the piece feel free to try your hand at it and please let me know if you do

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6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

9 comments

[9] zodiac 4-Feb-04/7:32 PM Reply

"for water's search of nooks" - neither 'for' nor 'of' seems right.

"her currents steer / your bow to break" - also weird.

Very clever. Reminds me of good metaphysical stuff, some Herbert or Donne. They didn't bother naming their structures. Never really used the same one twice.

[n/a] andrewjthomas › zodiac 5-Feb-04/9:41 AM Reply

thanks, i made some edits, hopefully for the better

[n/a] andrewjthomas › zodiac 5-Feb-04/11:20 AM Reply

this is a structure i'd actually like other poets to try out
so i figure i needed a name, good for marketing you know
and i have written a second one, and plan on writing more

[8] NanceXToo 5-Feb-04/2:42 PM Reply

Well-written. You created your own form, huh. Impressive. Really. Nice job.

[6] devina 7-Feb-04/9:41 AM Reply

I donÂ´t know. What about you?
Even if I have personal poems, I write about my feelings. What is important to me. I really donÂ´t care whatÂ´s important to you.

[n/a] andrewjthomas › devina 9-Feb-04/8:41 AM Reply

ouch! you really hurt my feelings :(
all i wanted was to come here and share my inner-most thoughts
with all of you
and what do i get? nothing but pain and rejection!
you're mean
i don't like you anymore
don't you see my comments were just a way to profess my love to you???
why? why do you deny me?
the world is cold and bleak...
i think i need to eat
more steak
before i break
down in tears
fa' rears!
OMG!!!1
i'm going INZANE!!!!!!!!1!!

[0] Stephen Robins 9-Feb-04/7:35 AM Reply

This is the most impressive thing you have ever done.

[n/a] andrewjthomas › Stephen Robins 9-Feb-04/8:36 AM Reply

no, not really
but sadly more impressive than anything you'll ever do
*smooches*
i <3 my cute little troll

[0] Stephen Robins › andrewjthomas 9-Feb-04/8:54 AM Reply

I guess it all depends on how you define impressive and what scope you allow. If I interpret you correctly "impressive" in the context of this poem means poorly structured dull form that does not even stick to your own definition of the poem. If impressive also means making up gay names for aforementioned structure which is not adhered to then ythis clearly the most impressive jumble of asorted shite ever to have been laid down. However if impressive is to mean your rather girly way of responding and using * and >:@{ then you are sadly mistaken.