WHEN

Member since 2003 · Posted 5 Dec 2003 · 4 comments

when it happened walking into the jail sell and shut the door Like 1000 peircing nails When it got me swimming right to the current no breathing here Like 1000 peircing nails When it hurt talking to a group of hungry lions that ripped and tore Like 1000 peircing nails When it died screaming as loud as i could but nothing could hear Like 1000 peircing nails When its over singing to butterflies no crying, no encore Like 1000 peircing nails When there was happiness no walking, talking, screaming, and no swimming its not so much Like 1000 peircing nails

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mean 5.50 weighted 5.13 rank 5533 views 167 View voting details →

8 votes so far. Yours would make 9.8 votes so far

4 comments

[8] Shardik 5-Dec-03/7:17 PM Reply

Nine inch snails. 8

[6] Shuushin › Shardik 5-Dec-03/7:18 PM Reply

turn around *slowly*, mr. reznor....

[6] Shuushin 5-Dec-03/7:17 PM Reply

jail [cell]

walking + shut[ting], or walk and shut - pick one. better yet, "walk[ed]"

peircing s/b piercing

I dunno, the repetition didn't quite work for me although I like the *idea* of the repetition - it reminds me of a ghazal.

Maybe 1000 piercing nails isn't scary enough - I thought the lions were more so - a 1000 lions... hmmmm.

[9] sliver 11-Dec-03/7:23 AM Reply

A thousang screaming women, there's a painful thought.