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Blessing in desguise (Lyric) by GekoHawaii
And if I could become a man One that above this world would stand Above my fears my broken tears Above the taunting of my peers And what then would I come to know If pain in life could never show Then would I feel emotion true Or would emotions grow askew? It’s pain that makes us who we are And keeps our minds from drifting far Away from nature now our own Yet close to things, to us, unknown Now, on occasion we must see That pain does make us what we be It keeps us human in our minds And whispers to us sweet reminds It keeps with us a feeling real Of happiness and times ideal And keeps a faith we tend to lose When first our soul does start to bruise So heed my words and do not block Those times when pain finds you to mock Just think of greater times ahead Once this new pain you have then shed

Up the ladder: An Ode to Gobbling
Down the ladder: Lemons Don't Grow

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.7777777
Weighted score: 5.888889
Overall Rank: 1499
Posted: November 19, 2003 7:54 PM PST; Last modified: November 19, 2003 7:54 PM PST
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[10] The_Third_Isis @ | 19-Nov-03/9:36 PM | Reply
have u been to hawaii?
[n/a] GekoHawaii @ > The_Third_Isis | 20-Nov-03/7:14 PM | Reply
Not yet. It's kind of a long term goal to someday in my life get there.
[9] ShaNoN+960317485 @ | 19-Nov-03/10:13 PM | Reply
[10] The_Third_Isis @ | 19-Nov-03/10:30 PM | Reply
the first comment of have you been was made in jest by Thors "hammer" other wise from me pain is good breath in breath out... hot rock therapy is a plus on the shore of a private beach in hawaii,, i think thats what {he] was getting too on ocassion a gentle /hot rub with rocks can make it all go bye bye..get stronger in life theres pain and gain ne se pa?
[9] savagelymakeitcount @ | 20-Nov-03/4:30 AM | Reply
What doesn't break you makes you stronger.
[10] INTRANSIT @ | 20-Nov-03/6:12 AM | Reply
awfully close to perfect.
[7] Shuushin @ | 20-Nov-03/8:09 AM | Reply
Excellent handle :O)

The poem...

"It keeps us human in our minds
And whispers to us sweet reminds" is very nice

"Then would I feel emotion true
Or would emotions grow askew?" is a not so nice (*very*) difficult to pull off questions, especially in first person).

As a lyric is flows along well enough with the usual disclaimers, but i think you might be better served to make the same observations from another perspective and make it a poem.


[n/a] GekoHawaii @ > Shuushin | 20-Nov-03/7:16 PM | Reply
Thanks alot. This is the kind of comment I came to this site hoping for, but instead I was bashed and ridiculed by some of the members. Namely Dark Angel. Again thanks. I'll work on a revision.
[10] Luv2write @ | 26-Nov-03/9:03 AM | Reply
Amazing, of course.
[6] whispern_smoke_wisp @ | 9-Mar-05/3:53 PM | Reply
i might like this better if i didnt have a strong distaste for rhyme
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