Re: Its raining by caitydee	10-May-04/7:09 PM
"The rain storms" delete "rain"; not too shabby. Stays I think to the right side of pimple - but only barely. What else u got? Fire it up.
Re: Obituary for the Moon by wilco	10-May-04/6:59 PM
That would work. yep, yes it would.
Re: In the berth by INTRANSIT	10-May-04/6:59 PM
For a minute - I was in my own cab. good un.
Re: Fighting before bed by zodiac	10-May-04/7:09 AM
Good one!
Re: a comment on Spring Cleaning by horus8	10-May-04/3:51 AM
This "getting into character" is one of the biggest appeals of this poetry thing - I do it too. Sure, some things are true - the whole ass-raped with a jackstand thing, for example - but who can make stuff like that up and make it :believeable:?
Re: Spring Cleaning by horus8	10-May-04/3:48 AM
Lemme guess - red? Excellent.
Re: Loosed by <~>	9-May-04/5:51 PM
Congrats!
Re: Feasting Ouroboros by <~>	9-May-04/5:51 PM
Congrats.
Re: forwards by nentwined	9-May-04/5:40 PM
Time is an illusion /echo An unusual thing from you, this. Feels pimply, I want to pick it to shreds.
Re: Trapped in a horseshoe by INTRANSIT	9-May-04/5:25 PM
Greets (been hard to get on-line this weekend)! This has a jaunty little beat, doesn't it. I'd be inclined to change a couple minor things here and there, but overall it's got a solid feel. Exlamations points might be overdone, and I'd just make that last line go right after the "she", and lastly the capital "And" is pretty jarring.
Re: Epitaph by philn	7-May-04/7:53 AM
Mechanically it's not to shabbily done, I'd say. The endrhymes weave without any noticeably intrusion. The meter chugs right along, slightly bumpy toward the end there - but serves to let the reader know the station approaches. I'd try to hack out some of the conjunctions, in particular but carefully since it would affect the good flow. Philosphically, I'm willing to accept it as a character perspective, one that although I personally don't quite relate to it, I can understand. Have an Eight. A few more poetic techniques would notch it up pretty easily, given the success of the mechanics used.
Re: clay or mud (hertz donut version) by nentwined	6-May-04/7:16 PM
"yet" can go. Lots of twothree letter words in here... this could be very much distilled and made stronger, imho.
Re: a comment on deviant conveniences by J.B. Manning	6-May-04/11:37 AM
"Hi!!" (found it)
Re: a comment on Where Have All the Punk Rockers Gone? by wilco	6-May-04/11:22 AM
Phew - you can sleep easy. "Ol '55" was on Wait's Album "Closing Time" (1973)- The Eagles did a cover of it on "On The Border" (1974). Track 7 :)
Re: a comment on Everglades parkway by INTRANSIT	6-May-04/6:11 AM
Believe me, I understand. My advice - clear this one out of comments, paste something new up there and set it aside for a bit. Give yourself some time for a fresh perspective. You can edit the other anytime.
Re: When she beats me by Win	5-May-04/9:04 PM
Great title. Is that some forshadowing there at the end?
Re: Everglades parkway by INTRANSIT	5-May-04/9:00 PM
This one is not as good as the other, imho - but still offers an interesting read. Some of the language seems heavier.
Re: a comment on American Idle by wilco	5-May-04/2:01 PM
heheh - my Caesar complex kicking in again.
Re: a comment on Where Have All the Punk Rockers Gone? by wilco	5-May-04/1:34 PM
You know thats an Eagles song (too?), right?
Re: a comment on American Idle by wilco	5-May-04/12:47 PM
Then you are a fool, and your opinions on the matter are discarded. I grow bored with you - you may let yourself out.