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Loosed (Free verse) by <~> removed 5/8/04 due to impending publication.
the book is still open for submissions:
http://www.sirruspoe.com/mindmutations.html
Up the ladder:
The Writing Life #2
Down the ladder:
Jerusalem the Golden
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 10.0
Posted: October 18, 2002 7:51 AM PDT; Last modified: May 9, 2004 12:19 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.237129 Overall Rank: 4149 Comments:
Yes, the target image in the first stanza - of course that links back to 'Bowed'.
"...bare these sinews" is the only thing that hangs me up here. S3 is gorgeous. Stop running in incestual circles. See some other band. I went to Bob Dylan last night and 2 brothers tried to pick up on me.
I like the poem, Zzin. 'Incestuous', GW; by the way, I see Bobby D. Nov. 22 in Fairfax--was he any good? Lucid?
Duh, I knew it sounded wrong, oh well. Ummm, he was fucking awesome. Did a few covers, most notably BrownSugar by the Rolling Stones. He was well above lucid. Sharp and to the point. Enjoy.
What did you change?
Yuo could talk abotu his failings, or the trap he has no power to escape.
In the beginning of the play Romeo is scolded about his being love sick over another, I forget her name, R something, and then so quickly becoming love sick over Juliet. Can you use that? You'd have to put yourself in Romeo's place.
Whoa! What the hell is going on Z????
yeah specially if they're in the saME trailor all day drinking olympia.
will drinking olympia all day bring one to tears?
I am not a big fan of asking questions in poems. Te me a poet has figured something out, gained some clarity or understanding from questions posed and that forces the writing. You seem to still be pondering something and maybe the poem is there. I really like the last stanza and the implied usage of the "what's in a name" is most excellent, but I still think this is a work in progress.
the question was added in the second writing. yes, it is a work in progress, and will no doubt undergo radical revision. i will take the question out, though. after my long drive home, i read it aloud and i do not like it, so, dahling p&k, out it goes.
i am going to hear the blues tonight, and when i return, no doubt i will have more and more insight. cafe 9. i have told you of it before. it is a crossroads.
many times, when a piece of mine is unfinished, the title is uncapitalized. so, if you read one of mine and find it so, you will know it for what it is: swaddling.
its times like this i'm glad i was not unseated, otherwise i risk losing myself to falling over from a beautiful shock.
ah, brazen, there is nothing beautiful about it. don't lose yourself in a woman, find something there. and share. and never, ever fuck someone you love's sister. or even think about it. (assuming you are a male, or so oriented.)
yes...i've captained that ship before, and it sank rather distastfully quick. i was merely commenting on your uncanny ability to make something so dismal still have a healthy hint of excitement...
Better. Juliet didn't drink her death but I don't mind. She did unsheath one happy dagger. Perhaps it should be "my weapon" singular.
she drank a false death, to escape the bounds of her name. when all went awry, then the dagger came...
like how red blood cells are made....in the marrow.
gracias, abuela
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'OK, now I see that she on the perch is Juliet - it was the girl who was confusing me. I think it's the perch. If you made it a balcony, perhaps I'd have got it quicker. Although the 'What's in a name' quote is pretty much a giveaway, now I look at it. Ugh, Friday afternoon, I'm not at my quickest. '