'brothers and lovers'? You have been paying close heed to Mrs G's work, I think. I wonder if the second stanza needs some more clarification? I'm not quite sure of how the inter-relationships work.
'OK, now I see that she on the perch is Juliet - it was the girl who was confusing me. I think it's the perch. If you made it a balcony, perhaps I'd have got it quicker. Although the 'What's in a name' quote is pretty much a giveaway, now I look at it. Ugh, Friday afternoon, I'm not at my quickest. '
"...bare these sinews" is the only thing that hangs me up here. S3 is gorgeous. Stop running in incestual circles. See some other band. I went to Bob Dylan last night and 2 brothers tried to pick up on me.
Duh, I knew it sounded wrong, oh well. Ummm, he was fucking awesome. Did a few covers, most notably BrownSugar by the Rolling Stones. He was well above lucid. Sharp and to the point. Enjoy.
In the beginning of the play Romeo is scolded about his being love sick over another, I forget her name, R something, and then so quickly becoming love sick over Juliet. Can you use that? You'd have to put yourself in Romeo's place.
I am not a big fan of asking questions in poems. Te me a poet has figured something out, gained some clarity or understanding from questions posed and that forces the writing. You seem to still be pondering something and maybe the poem is there. I really like the last stanza and the implied usage of the "what's in a name" is most excellent, but I still think this is a work in progress.
the question was added in the second writing. yes, it is a work in progress, and will no doubt undergo radical revision. i will take the question out, though. after my long drive home, i read it aloud and i do not like it, so, dahling p&k, out it goes.
i am going to hear the blues tonight, and when i return, no doubt i will have more and more insight. cafe 9. i have told you of it before. it is a crossroads.
many times, when a piece of mine is unfinished, the title is uncapitalized. so, if you read one of mine and find it so, you will know it for what it is: swaddling.
ah, brazen, there is nothing beautiful about it. don't lose yourself in a woman, find something there. and share. and never, ever fuck someone you love's sister. or even think about it. (assuming you are a male, or so oriented.)
yes...i've captained that ship before, and it sank rather distastfully quick. i was merely commenting on your uncanny ability to make something so dismal still have a healthy hint of excitement...
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'OK, now I see that she on the perch is Juliet - it was the girl who was confusing me. I think it's the perch. If you made it a balcony, perhaps I'd have got it quicker. Although the 'What's in a name' quote is pretty much a giveaway, now I look at it. Ugh, Friday afternoon, I'm not at my quickest. '
i am going to hear the blues tonight, and when i return, no doubt i will have more and more insight. cafe 9. i have told you of it before. it is a crossroads.
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