poemranker ::clay or mud (hertz donut version) by nentwined

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Free verse № 100763

clay or mud (hertz donut version)

by nentwined

Member since 2001 · Posted 6 May 2004 · 6 comments

is it clay, he asks, or mud, when his rhyming's not so good; is there fiber in its being, a structure to grow the words to meaning? or is it yet another failure that he yet pours effort ...

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6 comments

[9] deleted user 6-May-04/12:07 PM Reply
Funny how words can grow to meaning as I tinker with them, clay or mud. A new thing pops out of the mix sometimes. Good
[7] INTRANSIT 6-May-04/1:20 PM Reply
A. Where is the other version? Searched. Came up penniless.

B. Are you regressing to high school with the donut thing.

Good but not quite you, this time.
[n/a] nentwined › INTRANSIT 6-May-04/1:24 PM Reply
No other version as of yet. Yes, it is a regression. The thought is if I like the thought better, I will do a less regressed version of it. It was a ditty that came up while discussion some things with Aetius.
[7] INTRANSIT › nentwined 6-May-04/1:28 PM Reply
very well, then.
[8] Shuushin 6-May-04/7:16 PM Reply
"yet" can go.

Lots of twothree letter words in here... this could be very much distilled and made stronger, imho.
[7] Jill Stockinger 15-Jan-07/7:38 PM Reply
An unfinished piece---