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American Idle (Free verse) by wilco Set out from Memphis,
eastbound on I-40 .
Only made it 100 miles
before I sputtered out.
Keeping pace with life
is harder than it seems.
At least I'm consistent...
always doing nothing.
Waiting for my chance
to make something happen.
Betting on the wrong horse
will get you a brand new dream.
I'm played out on the bars
and the women that frequent them.
They know nothing of life...
only how to steal break my heart.
Stolen meals do taste better,
as long as they're not your last.
Maybe I'll join the Army
and kill me some for'ners.
It would take a little effort,
but fatigue is my color.
Getting tired is easy to do,
as long as you have some energy.
Set out from Jackson,
westbound on I-40.
Only made it 100 miles
before I sputtered out.
Sometimes I wonder
where my life is going
Sitting on the couch,
eating apple pie,
and cursing at the Cubs.
Up the ladder:
Holding You
Down the ladder:
my hunger has become a hunger for revenge
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.25
Posted: April 3, 2004 8:32 PM PST; Last modified: May 4, 2004 8:32 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.9817934 Overall Rank: 108 Comments:
[7]
hatedestruction @ 167.196.165.135
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5-May-04/5:32 AM
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Reply
going nowhere, nice...
"fatigue is my color." - very very good.
There are so many standard set pieces in here though, I can't decide if its giving it a classic, or a tired feel. Hmmm... That line though, love that.
tired. But that's the idea.
Yes, was thinking that. Its a bit of a quandry though: do you make the poem express the emotion at the expense of making it unenjoyable - I mean this in a global sense, btw; not that yours was necessarily unenjoyable (had some very good parts).
Depends on waht you expect to accomplish with your writing. If you don't care if anyone enjoys it and simply want to create art, then I think it's ok. But then you go back to the aforementioned question of "why do it at all if no one wants to read it". In other words, I don't know. I just write 'em and hope that SOMEBODY likes 'em while still letting me say what I want to say.
ANybody who curses at the cubs gets an automatic 10. though this was a very good poem on its own.
10 for "fatigue is my color". There are so many things about this poem I'd change if it were mine; that line isn't one of them.
Speaking of those Idol shows, Ben Folds' "Army" is a great model for anyone trying to write ace pop songs. Bjork's "Army of Me" is not.
Don't be messin' with my girl, now.
I don't think she's your type. Have you seen the video for "All Is Full of Love"?
Under the category of "overshare":
Most definitely - I own it, and the rest of her videos, and something like 200 remixes and original versions of her songs. I have really three favorite musical artists and they are: Tool Eagles Bjork (this includes A Perfect Circle and Henley, natch).
Android Bjork 69ing another android Bjork has to be the second most arousing thing I've ever seen, after CLS's website photos. The 1st "snare" remix of AIFOL is the best.
Bjork I can understand some, but Tool and Eagles??? They've only written one song each!! Come on!
OMG!
Blasphemer!! Burn him - BURN HIMMMM!!!
Quoting Tool lyrics?
Check em out.
Oh I am!
Lateralus in particular.
The Eagles song goes like this:
I like the cheatin' kind of women, Which all women are, and terminally numb; She's going to her sorry-ass man's for some sinnin' While I sit at home, 'cause I'm dumb. The Tool song goes like this: Forsaken's "poetry" times infinity.
Undertow and Opiate are Excellent, Aenima? was ok and I never did buy Lateralus. The Eagles were good in their day but should have shot themselves before "Hell Freezes Over" and Bjork.....no.
Then you are a fool, and your opinions on the matter are discarded.
I grow bored with you - you may let yourself out.
eeaaasy killer.
heheh - my Caesar complex kicking in again.
This poem expresses your feeling. As the arguement goes between this and presenting an enjoyable poem, I tend toward correctness and understandability, but I think this needs a lettle help in the prose dept. Good feelings like these are worthy of a little more care on the presentation. For what it's worth.
I know what you're saying but please see the above (and ongoing) exchange between Shuushin and myself.
Change:
"only how to steal break my heart." To: "only how to steal & break my heart." Other than that, its fuckin groovy and sparks my fire- Blessed with ten. Good work.
I didn't even notice that, thanks.
A bit technical. Basically I haven't the first fucking idea what you are talking about. Cubs? Sputtered? 1-40? Talk about provincial.......................
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