Comments byShuushin, 301–320 back, including replies. Only comments on poems

on Cicada Years by seanlb1 24 May 2004, 8:43 AM
Some nice angles in there, I find myself wondering what's it all about? A feel good poem well made.

replying on Reflections of the Living Dead by SomeKindofPoet 22 May 2004, 7:47 PM
Don't forget to flush.
replying on Catharsis by wilco 22 May 2004, 12:46 PM
agreed
replying on Catharsis by wilco 22 May 2004, 12:45 PM
YEP - I'm an idiot that's why i didn't say it in the first comment...
replying on Catharsis by wilco 22 May 2004, 12:36 PM
I'm thinking the last "upwards" slot could be better used as well.
on Catharsis by wilco 22 May 2004, 12:35 PM
Yep, thats a good one; good use of the form.

Consider replacing "Walking", it's implied and the space could be better used to express the mood.

the wine/mine rhyme, btw is a good coupling and the long "i" sounds work well.

when you say "contemplating a swift descent" are you implying she will go down [on you] quickly (or vice versa), or are you saying something will be leaving soon and quickly?

on Ten by horus8 22 May 2004, 5:24 AM
A fresh thought well said.
replying on Tony Blair's sagging purple johnny by Stephen Robins 21 May 2004, 4:43 PM
You don't understand the comment because you are lack the ability to grasp anything beyond the length of your anemic dick, its half-scabbed pee-hole the only thing you have for a mouth, and its empty ball-sack the only thing you have to contain your thin mucous like brain.
replying on Tony Blair's sagging purple johnny by Stephen Robins 21 May 2004, 4:38 PM
Perhaps by your standards - but that doesn't mean much does it? I would just have to have used some cockney lilt and maybe the word cunt and it would be closer to your, again meaningless, ideal.
Another diaper-full of the best you can do.

And you spelled "color" wrong, again.
on Something's gone wrong by zodiac 21 May 2004, 3:45 AM
eh. I thik you did some wrong things in here on purpose, but its popular; generated lots of interest and votes - so 3 points for that.
replying on Sarah's Song by wilco 18 May 2004, 6:57 PM
Agreed - I gave you the benefit of the doubt with the nine.
on Sarah's Song by wilco 18 May 2004, 6:52 PM
Pretty.

I'd like it flow a little more - quite a few one line sentences and the many prepositions, articles and pronouns don't help the cause.

Still, some lovely language in there.
Arborists, I think. And "we [treepeople]"

Good rhyme with contraire. Nice title.

Ever read "poison tree"?
did you mean "hart" is in a male [red] deer?

quite nice, though maybe a few too many "is"s and "was"s
on In the Land of Bob by Bobjim 14 May 2004, 2:02 PM
liking the title.
on Bashing through the woods by INTRANSIT 14 May 2004, 12:53 PM
This went completely over my head.

Here's a nine because I could never picture a snake with breasts, no matter how hard I tried - until now. Thank you.
replying on Ze German Poetry by Stephen Robins 14 May 2004, 10:21 AM
This one is pretty frickin dead on though, if not exactly in accent, certainly in flavor - you must admit.
Hello Fraser! Welcome to Poemranker! Thanks for posting such a great poem! A/S/L?
replying on Obituary for the Moon by wilco 10 May 2004, 7:20 PM
Boggles my mind but I think nentwined has a purty good handle on it, on the big picture.

It affects everyone the same, so - no worries.