Re: The Ocean Prefers A Sunset by wilco	11-Jun-04/4:47 PM
nice word caryatids. I like this - I think it would be better for the killing of some of the small words (the conjuctions and little preps - but I often say this).
Re: The daisy-chain girl by richa	10-Jun-04/6:00 PM
"do like [we do]" the verb "to be" is a bit overdone here, R.
Re: Bugs by INTRANSIT	9-Jun-04/4:11 PM
Many shades of red - so many. Regardless - very well said.
Re: Hollywierd by INTRANSIT	7-Jun-04/6:11 PM
I kinda liked it until it started to sound like SupremeDreamer's odd rantings - I think you've taken it up a notch, made the style more polished. Blessed with a nine.
Re: Dear Lord, by INTRANSIT	2-Jun-04/7:06 AM
Leaves a nice aftertaste. Some details - the semicolon/colon maybe better a dash/semicolon and maybe "I'll not be bent" instead of the rent line - something about that sequence with "lent"... perhaps work "relent" in somehow?
Re: a comment on The Snow Queen by Angeline	31-May-04/5:04 PM
good catch, zod. iac. Can't really abreviate that... I guess.
Re: Soldiers (Terzanelle) by Angeline	31-May-04/6:24 AM
A fairly rarely used form in these parts (maybe I posted one - I'll check after I write this); its a tough one. It very easily passes the "dress wearing the girl/the girl wearing the dress" test and the rhymes are smoove. did you miss the punctuation after bone on purpose? You might have. I wonder if wordsmithing "very hot" would buy you anything (other than trading freshness for pretentiousness), you've been up and down that I suppose.
Re: Master Takes by Angeline	31-May-04/6:18 AM
Many of the references are lost on me, yet some quick checking tells me that they are made of iron - I like the flow of it, and the sounds.
Re: smokestack blues by wilco	28-May-04/11:01 AM
One of those where I'm not exactly sure what is being said, but I listen intently and am thankful for the conversation. Nicely painted.
Re: The Bed by Fear of Garbage	28-May-04/10:47 AM
at first the numerous "it/its" gave me pause - but with that ending - sets it up very nicely indeed.
Re: a comment on In Love as in Love by Everyone	28-May-04/8:56 AM
It is? I should have known. You're so smart.
Re: a comment on In Love as in Love by Everyone	27-May-04/7:43 AM
Ahhh - the list lengthens. Impressive. I'm glad someone is keeping track of these things. As for this particular poem[e]- is not 'orrible. Its not a poet's poem[e], reads more like something to be given to the boyfriend/girlfriend (I suspect girlfriend) - it's more like a "Poem" in the hallmark sense. Some of those rhymes (other than the love/above) bit are clumsy - but love has that effect. I always feel silly rating a poem[e] by Everyone, but I'll give it a generous 8.
Re: a comment on fleeting thoughts by francis nor capule	27-May-04/6:45 AM
no - not at all; we've all been there. Got a few on here meself.
Re: hoping by francis nor capule	26-May-04/10:57 AM
francis... what blinding and deafening love hath inspired this?
Re: your worth to me by francis nor capule	26-May-04/10:55 AM
pretty. What's with the spaces before commas sometimes?
Re: a comment on Lovely as a Lapland Night: Sort of a Sonnet by Nicholas Jones	26-May-04/6:48 AM
Agreed, one could argue it. Certain specific types of sonnets require consistent rising and falling rythm over ten beats - but not all. I've warmed up on the colon use, gives it a nice flavor. Good one.
Re: my truth by francis nor capule	25-May-04/11:26 AM
Is true, is true. [insert lenghthy diatribe about some tangentally related philisophical difference no-one will remember] I think the first person works pretty well - second person would probably not work at all... I wonder if third person would add anything?
Re: Know youself and you who are ! by firestar_2580	25-May-04/7:37 AM
yes mon. de badness of dis spelling approaches art, yet stops short of the goal and flagellates itself. (half of this thought brought to you by Sebastian de Crob)
Re: Silencing the Silenced by seanlb1	24-May-04/8:50 AM
Like the other; lots of idea, lots of emotion - screaming for distilation and a single goal.
Re: Lovely as a Lapland Night: Sort of a Sonnet by Nicholas Jones	24-May-04/8:46 AM
Interesting. Get rid of the "sort of..."; it's a sonnet. Anyone who argues that is lacking the expertise to be taken seriously. The [conjuction]: is a little distracting... what is it buying you for this cost?