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Soldiers (Terzanelle) (Other) by Angeline
Is it very hot there? Do these people care
Past flags and dollars, conference rooms
In fortresses of fountain pens, chilled air?
Beyond the silk-draped windows lie the tombs
Of soldiers, lessons resting in the bone,
Past flags and dollars, conference rooms.
Are walls inscribed and figures made of stone,
Rifles raised and years surveyed in wordless eyes
Of soldiers, lessons resting in the bone
While smiles reach out for honor like a prize,
Fingers never feeling quiet cities, wind, birdcall,
Rifles raised and years surveyed in wordless eyes.
The clink of glass, ring of voices mask the fall,
Leaves scraping cross the thaw and rock
Fingers never feeling quiet cities, wind, birdcall.
Leaves scraping cross the thaw and rock,
Silenced by the ticking of the doomsday clock.
Is it very hot there? Do these people care
In fortresses of fountain pens, chilled air?
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.8
Weighted score: 5.3337684
Overall Rank: 3472
Posted: May 30, 2004 4:00 PM PDT; Last modified: May 30, 2004 4:00 PM PDT
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Comments:
141 view(s)
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It very easily passes the "dress wearing the girl/the girl wearing the dress" test and the rhymes are smoove.
did you miss the punctuation after bone on purpose? You might have.
I wonder if wordsmithing "very hot" would buy you anything (other than trading freshness for pretentiousness), you've been up and down that I suppose.