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Sarah's Song (Lyric) by wilco
Sarah says she waited for the sun for as long as the night was dark. She's been through so much in her life. Seen a lot of things that no one should, but she's still beautiful when she smiles. The graying hair and amethyst eyes have made her shy away from tears. She keeps her picture of Cary Grant and a ring given to her by a lover, and she's still beautiful when she sings. There's something on her mind these days. A little reminder of thirty years. The white dress, the wine and the dance. Sarah stays up 'till dawn every night to see the sun rise on the hills. She shakes off the early morning chill and wraps the robe a little tighter, so she can feel the warmth of life. The balcony in the old hotel is high enough to catch the clouds. She still feels something in her soul for pretty days and careless flings. And she's still beautiful when she smiles. There's something on her mind these days. A little reminder of thirty years. The white dress, the wine and the dance.

Up the ladder: this meal was knowledge
Down the ladder: The Smurfs killed Kennedy

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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10  .. 53
.. 61
.. 10
.. 00
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.. 01
.. 01
.. 00
.. 10
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.8333335
Weighted score: 6.821063
Overall Rank: 368
Posted: May 18, 2004 6:21 PM PDT; Last modified: May 18, 2004 6:21 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 18-May-04/6:52 PM | Reply
Pretty.

I'd like it flow a little more - quite a few one line sentences and the many prepositions, articles and pronouns don't help the cause.

Still, some lovely language in there.
[n/a] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 > Shuushin | 18-May-04/6:55 PM | Reply
It flows better with music. I know it's hard to get the right flow with a lyric, though when you don't have the music with it.
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > wilco | 18-May-04/6:57 PM | Reply
Agreed - I gave you the benefit of the doubt with the nine.
[n/a] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 > Shuushin | 18-May-04/6:58 PM | Reply
thanks.
[9] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.130.62.63 | 18-May-04/10:34 PM | Reply
Lovely.
[9] SupremeDreamer @ 66.42.0.67 | 19-May-04/12:34 AM | Reply
Smashin. Blessed with nine.
[10] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 | 19-May-04/4:54 AM | Reply
David Dickinson
[10] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 | 19-May-04/4:59 AM | Reply
I have devised a cunning new means of commenting to reflect how good I feel the poem is. It is a simple formula the strength of the poem is the inverse of how unbrown the celebrity I leave as a comment is.

A sample may look as follows:

Ainslee Harriot : They don't come any browner -10-
Robert Kilroy-Silk: The colour and texture of a shamy leather -6-
David Dickinson: Orange - A fraud in my brown catergory -bow'ls-
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.211.31 | 19-May-04/1:30 PM | Reply
I think writing poems about eccentric women is totally great and easy to boot.

Do you know the band Train? One of their songs is entirely about the eccentric things this woman named Virginia or Idaho or something does. If you try to say, "wait, women don't really do those things," Train just says, "well, Virginia does. It's real specific, see?" Trust me, I've tried telling them before and it was an enormous disaster.

But seriously, one of the things Virginia does is "wears high heels when she exercises." And half the people who hear it are like, "oh man, she's exactly like some woman I know! Train is such a great observer of human behavior!" Bullshit. I mean, come on, people! High heels? Jesus!
[n/a] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 > zodiac | 19-May-04/1:36 PM | Reply
So are you saying that this sounds like 'Meet Virginia' or are you just talking about that particular song because they are both about women?
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.211.31 > wilco | 19-May-04/1:39 PM | Reply
This is much better than "Meet Virginia", but it's still about some specific woman whom I can utterly not make myself believe actually exists.

You will answer something like: She does, I know her.

Nope. I'm still getting nothing.
[n/a] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 > zodiac | 19-May-04/1:42 PM | Reply
Ok, then. thanks. Even if you were comparing it to "Meet Virginia", though, I guess there are worse you could'vr compared it to....like Creed....

and

She does not exist. I made her up. fic-sho-nul.
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.211.31 > wilco | 19-May-04/1:46 PM | Reply
I guess what I'm trying to say is it shows.
[n/a] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 > zodiac | 19-May-04/1:51 PM | Reply
Ok, I see what your saying. I guess I'm one of those "Hey Guys" guys.

But, you know, if writers used reality it would be more like:

Sarah cooked dinner and got pissed
because I said it was 'pretty' good.
She wouldn't give me a blowjob
for a week and that really sucked.
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.192.91 > wilco | 19-May-04/2:07 PM | Reply
Don't be too hard on yourself.

And for the record, I'm sorry I said Shuushin was a "Hey Guys" guy. I should have... well, I should have been the adult in that situation, and I wasn't. *tears*

PS-That last part would be a fine poem if you could find a way of saying it well. And you might as well know none of the people in any of my posts are very true-to-life, with the exception of the girl who tries to commit suicide by running into interstate traffic and the girl in the California poem, who is my wife, and who pronounces Chivas as "chi-VAHSS" rather than "CHI-vas".
[9] Mystictwilight @ 205.188.116.68 | 14-Sep-04/9:13 PM | Reply
wow..I loved it so I give you a 9
[10] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 5-Mar-06/11:01 AM | Reply
Something caught in the back of my throat.
[8] annadoc @ 161.7.2.160 | 19-Apr-06/2:33 PM | Reply
Contemplative. I liked it.
[1] conny lingers @ 127.0.0.1 | 7-Feb-21/12:14 PM | Reply
Sad stuff
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