DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

forwards

Member since 2001 · Posted 8 May 2004 · 22 comments

Railing against time as objective reality, still I go only forwards, no matter the drugs, meditation, or prayers. Before me is tears, behind me is bland, the only response that I feel is 'and?'. And what is this life, this hell self-inflicted, this avoidance of pain the greater pain? And where is the rainbow of all these tomorrows that glistens in tears I hold in, where is the whisper that unfurls my hope, so tightly curled and twisted? Is it forwards?

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mean 7.91 weighted 6.45 rank 722 views 540 View voting details →

11 votes so far. Yours would make 12.11 votes so far

22 comments

[9] INTRANSIT 8-May-04/1:23 PM Reply

S-3
this greatening
restricted.

S-4 stop,period, Drop the solo line.

These are my suggestions. Nice to see you in the 'hood.

[n/a] nentwined › INTRANSIT 8-May-04/1:27 PM Reply

Thanks for the thoughts; I'll let them percolate some. :)

[9] INTRANSIT › INTRANSIT 10-May-04/6:42 AM Reply

Upon another reading, I would like to recind my variation of the ending.

[8] deleted user 8-May-04/1:58 PM Reply

I believe forwards should be forward. Verse 3, comma after "avoidance of pain". Verse 4, first 2 lines, sequentially incorrect, I think. This is a poem of sadness that I usually vote down, but you at least ask where the hope is. And I do like the rhyme in verse 2.

[n/a] nentwined › deleted user 8-May-04/2:10 PM Reply

Thanks for the comments--my understanding is that 'forward' and 'fowards' are rather interchangeable, as 'toward' and 'towards', though I've seen arguments about both. Thanks for the comments--I know the angst of angst poems, but sometimes you (I?) just "have to do them", as much as I hate that. And I'm far too much of an attention-hound to write a poem and not display it for feedback; sometimes I really wonder where my ones and twos are. [[that's not a request, though!]]

[8] deleted user › nentwined 8-May-04/2:21 PM Reply

I found the word "forwards" in only one of my three dictionaries, and it shows it as a less-preferred form of "forward." And please look at the first two lines of verse 4.

[n/a] nentwined › deleted user 8-May-04/2:26 PM Reply

I suppose I'm not seeing what you're saying with s4l1-2... could you write out what you would see as the results of your suggestion?

[8] deleted user › nentwined 8-May-04/2:34 PM Reply

"And where is the rainbow of all these tomorrows" implies something good after the tomorrows. "that glistens in tears I hold in" is present tense. Of course you could say "tears I will hold in" but really, is this a good line of thought?

[n/a] nentwined › deleted user 8-May-04/2:38 PM Reply

Hmm. I think I see what you're saying there, but it really doesn't seem out of place to me. The rainbow of all these tomorrows is hope (ish), so it in that sense it does happen before the tomorrows happen, and is thus present, and directly related to the tears, though not actually reflecting from them; it would be reflecting _in_ them.

[8] deleted user › nentwined 8-May-04/2:51 PM Reply

Okay. You've wiggled out of it or in it. I'll let you alone now. And yes it could be seen that way.

[n/a] nentwined › deleted user 8-May-04/2:52 PM Reply

Thanks. :)

[10] zodiac 8-May-04/4:56 PM Reply

This should be reworked so "forwards" works as a plural noun.

[10] zodiac › zodiac 10-May-04/9:18 AM Reply

In fact, this poem could be re-written to use the motif of endlessly circulating and receiving the same e-mail forwards as a symbol for modern directionlessness or something. Basically, it would involve starting over with only the title from this piece, but since you've already admitted to disliking this one, it couldn't hurt.

[10] zodiac › zodiac 10-May-04/11:40 AM Reply

I'm serious, nentwined. If you don't do it, I will.

[n/a] nentwined › zodiac 10-May-04/12:14 PM Reply

go for it.

we always could both.

I'm not feeling inspired as such, at the moment. If you'd like me to say I won't, so you can, I could. ish. It's your idea, after all. :)

[7] Shuushin 9-May-04/5:40 PM Reply

Time is an illusion /echo

An unusual thing from you, this. Feels pimply, I want to pick it to shreds.

[n/a] nentwined › Shuushin 9-May-04/6:05 PM Reply

I'm glad it's not just me. People I think vote more my status than my poetry. Or something.

In my depression I felt it had to be crap.

Feeling somewhat better, I find it very interesting crap; the stacatto-like almost-flow is nice. Or almost nice. The message--over-simplistic, if there at all. La.

You're all too kind, even the 7.

[9] INTRANSIT › nentwined 10-May-04/6:46 AM Reply

How can you say that when you know full well poetry is subjective?

One mans trash,blah blah blah.

[n/a] nentwined › INTRANSIT 10-May-04/8:24 AM Reply

Subjectivity only goes so far. This poem was good for me, in that it got some things out of me. But that doesn't make it a good poem, at least in the ranker sense. To my eyes. I suppose if other people like it, ... erm. I'll just leave this as confused. Ot something.

Thoughts not so much happen, lately.

[9] INTRANSIT › nentwined 10-May-04/12:05 PM Reply

Well, Just don't give up. That's all I ask.

[n/a] nentwined › INTRANSIT 10-May-04/7:27 PM Reply

I think I can manage that.

I think I can, I think I can. :)

[7] Bethy 6-Aug-05/5:22 AM Reply

...so tightly curled and twisted...I like this line...I like this poem...Bethy:)