regarding some deleted poem...	19-Feb-04/6:19 PM
yep, good stuff.
Re: Quest! by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	19-Feb-04/7:30 PM
That last quatrain almost sounds like another language. "Qu'est nest breastvest" Well crafted; a NINE shall you have. and do this: My inner pain shall forever my burden be.
Re: Enlightenment by Lifeboatman	19-Feb-04/7:35 PM
hey - its not bad at all. are you trying to loose the wings?
Re: Rinse by somemorepoetry	19-Feb-04/7:36 PM
Not as bad, I think, as the scores you have thus far. I will total them and add one for good luck. eight.
Re: Seven Sins for Seven Men (Part 1) by wilco	19-Feb-04/7:42 PM
Why did the god kill this man? For his pride perhaps. Did he not think the man would learn the futility of his ways? Was he jealous - is it a jealous god? Who was the lone man? It is the first man who realizes he has no one to save him?
Re: The Motherfuckers and The Mystery of Life by Jeremi B. Handrinos	21-Feb-04/6:24 PM
yep. Thats a tinkertoy for the mind; was a fun one.
Re: The Winturd Tale of Sir Donald Nudesby by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	21-Feb-04/7:04 PM
Made a visit to a note from god today, did ya? "winturd night" is awesomely coined. This one rocks (dude).
Re: Helpless by _iamtwilight_	22-Feb-04/5:23 AM
So many articles and pronouns, so little space ... This thing almost takes off, but then it's gets hobbled by so many "the"s and "our"s and "we"s -- let it go free my blue-eyed tattooed lass - Pour acid apon it and see the weak words run away; the stong will survive. let it free.
Re: Peeping Sun by dreamsdiefirst	22-Feb-04/5:46 AM
LoL - I saw the title and a first thought it said "Peeing Sun", then had a little adolescent laugh, opened the poem - and saw "snow". Yeah, I need to grow up. Ahem, okay. I like the peeping tom angle. I will write you an... hmmm... theres the top circle... now, left side... around the top: the bottom circle - a bright vitamin enhanced "8". I see richa has added a haiku too - I will add to yours then in the renga tradition: Blanket of the snow, covers earths naked beauty from the peeping sun. white satin coolness adorns, hillsides of crocus asleep. Sunshine's fingertips reach from afar but dare not - hides behind mountains.
Re: The Commanding Disobedince of Words by daggatolar	22-Feb-04/6:04 AM
Well, I wouldn't go as far to say it is CLSish for two reasons, one - you actually say something here that is between the lines, two - I've read some of your other stuff and I know you are not of her ilk (but I can see how richa think so). Yours is more of a soldiers perspective, where her's is more of a - child. So, this one: a few line breaks and line spacings would help quite a bit, imho. I suppose you stuck the lone period in there and ommitted any other punctuation for a reason - not feeling it. The string of capitals feels anagramatic... which would be interesting. I like "They did not invite me", btw.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-Feb-04/7:07 AM
The end is very good, and points for using a dictionary.com "word of the day" (this has been a paid advertisement).
Re: Everyone's choosing sides by zodiac	22-Feb-04/6:49 PM
Sides? Who's choosing?? Cat Fight!! Some good language in this.
Re: She was supposedly yours... as was I by Katzclear	23-Feb-04/5:06 PM
cute
Re: The Niche by Fear of Garbage	23-Feb-04/6:25 PM
something with less finality at the end I think would do wonders for this. Something more poignant. I like the use of repetition.
Re: Tomorrow by phbiscuit	23-Feb-04/6:27 PM
"We float, With gentle exhaust, Allowing us to relax. Relieved " sounds somehow biological. I like the aliteration.
Re: Nude Reclining by cleverdevice	23-Feb-04/6:29 PM
second to last stanza is what yer shootin fer - the rest leaves me nothing to imagine.
Re: A Natural Witch by Lenore	23-Feb-04/6:32 PM
I'd rather some examples than a list of options. From this information could could make a good poem. Some weaknesses would add interest (otherwise the reader becomes jealous and spiteful).
Re: the wind's last crescendo by fair12	23-Feb-04/6:35 PM
Verry sweeet. Touching without a trace of sappiness - surprised myself at the reaction. well done. I'm going to suggest, despite my liking it very much, that you replace "summer" with something more specific (either a particular day or a month). My immediate reaction was "overused word" - but you quickly pulled me into the body to forget.
Re: Homecoming by somemorepoetry	23-Feb-04/6:37 PM
somemorecommas or something in stanza three would be nice - it kindof just keeps going. I feel like there is something deep here, and I like it, but the flow is distracting me.
Re: Thoughts in a cloud above the Catskills by Enkidu	24-Feb-04/7:53 AM
Flows quite well in an older-world way.