on Child of Troy by Caducus
27 May 2004, 2:06 PM
Yes, this does tickle my fancy. Nice write. Blessed with nine.
on Horror Film by Jeremi B. Handrinos
27 May 2004, 2:09 PM
Smashin. Only one thing leaves me wondering:
"Ignotum per ignotious"
What exactly does that mean? I have no knowledge of latin. Other than that, blessed with ten.
"Ignotum per ignotious"
What exactly does that mean? I have no knowledge of latin. Other than that, blessed with ten.
on some deleted poem
27 May 2004, 2:11 PM
It has been a long since you posted, and you have come back with a vengeance. Exellent piece. Blessed with ten.
on smokestack blues by wilco
28 May 2004, 1:06 AM
Something about this poem bothers me.. I'm not sure why either... which is why I shall refrain from voting.
on Horror Film by Jeremi B. Handrinos
28 May 2004, 1:18 AM
I can tell that I'm being ignored. You haven't even ridiculed me for my question, not even a reply with a elongated and false translation to make me the punchline of a joke. Not even a blasted "bow'ls".
Have I done something to deserve being tagged as an invisible and horribly grotesque untouchable? I have a gut feeling that I won't get a reply to my question wrapped in childish whining. But anyway, I figure voicing my curiousity is a needed urge, the side-effect of some dismal disease that I endure daily.
Have I done something to deserve being tagged as an invisible and horribly grotesque untouchable? I have a gut feeling that I won't get a reply to my question wrapped in childish whining. But anyway, I figure voicing my curiousity is a needed urge, the side-effect of some dismal disease that I endure daily.
on some deleted poem
4 May 2004, 5:07 AM
Didn't really get my juices flowin, but its worth about an eight over-all. Sup with you lately my ole friend?
on Funeral of My Childhood by Spindle
8 May 2004, 5:27 AM
Your poem is young and fledgling, but you show some promise- just expand your topic/style/view of life around you when wielding the pen. Blessed with seven.
on some deleted poem
8 May 2004, 5:29 AM
Well crafted, swagger, I really enjoyed it over-all,
& I don't see anything I'd change or suggest snipping.
Blessed with eight.
& I don't see anything I'd change or suggest snipping.
Blessed with eight.
on Where Have All the Punk Rockers Gone? by wilco
8 May 2004, 5:33 AM
Yep, it's savvy kewl & gets m'juices sizzlin. Blessed with nine.
on The Towel Head Blues by horus8
8 May 2004, 5:56 AM
-Nod-, Tell it like it is, ole pal.
American military control in Iraq is tyrannical, Uncle Sam puppeteers the oil from Baghdad, sandniggers revolt with jihad-- oh, don't forget, now I pay two dollars & eighty cents a gallon, price soon to rise up to three bucks a gal.
It's fuckin bullshit, this regimented, puritan cultured country of rednecks with blind & senseless faith; scattered groups of rebels, 'n grotesque individuals socially scorned by the majority of american folk-- a.k.a: Propoganda slaves.
Blessed with ten.
American military control in Iraq is tyrannical, Uncle Sam puppeteers the oil from Baghdad, sandniggers revolt with jihad-- oh, don't forget, now I pay two dollars & eighty cents a gallon, price soon to rise up to three bucks a gal.
It's fuckin bullshit, this regimented, puritan cultured country of rednecks with blind & senseless faith; scattered groups of rebels, 'n grotesque individuals socially scorned by the majority of american folk-- a.k.a: Propoganda slaves.
Blessed with ten.
on American Idle by wilco
8 May 2004, 5:59 AM
Change:
"only how to steal break my heart."
To:
"only how to steal & break my heart."
Other than that, its fuckin groovy and sparks my fire-
Blessed with ten. Good work.
"only how to steal break my heart."
To:
"only how to steal & break my heart."
Other than that, its fuckin groovy and sparks my fire-
Blessed with ten. Good work.
on California triolets by zodiac
8 May 2004, 6:06 AM
Well crafted, and was a pleasure to read. Blessed with ten.
on some deleted poem
8 May 2004, 10:06 AM
Think it would be better if you shortened it some... but thats me. Blessed with eight.
on some deleted poem
8 May 2004, 10:08 AM
A little too sentimental for my taste. Blessed with seven.
on I Dream Angel by horus8
18 May 2004, 5:19 AM
This is your best work yet, in my opinion- it touches my soul, and I can relate to it. I'll be stickin this one in my favs.
Blessed with ten.
Blessed with ten.
on I MISS YOU by jroday
18 May 2004, 6:39 AM
A couple things with this poem bother me:
1: It's not really a lyric.
2: It has a rhyme scheme thats built with words that have similiar endings. You didn't pay attention to how the words actually sound like- for instance the first line ends with "alone", the second line ends with gone. Say those two words out loud, you'll notice that they sound nothing alike, therefore they don't rhyme.
3: It's extremely cliche, and unimaginative. I know this is a really "personal" piece, but that doesn't change the fact that its not well written, crippled, by your poor use of basic poetic mechanics.
4: The ending is absolutely HORRIBLE- sounds like the shit priests say to comfort a person at confession.
In short, you didn't put any real effort into writing this in a creative, original fashion, or you simply lack the skill needed to craft a poem of decent quality. It's obvious that you have no experience with writing. My advice is that you read some real poetry and experience some real literary style. Come up with your own style and develop it- learn about basic technique and the proper use of poetic devices. In time you'll build up skill and start writing poetry thats worth reading.
Blessed with zero.
1: It's not really a lyric.
2: It has a rhyme scheme thats built with words that have similiar endings. You didn't pay attention to how the words actually sound like- for instance the first line ends with "alone", the second line ends with gone. Say those two words out loud, you'll notice that they sound nothing alike, therefore they don't rhyme.
3: It's extremely cliche, and unimaginative. I know this is a really "personal" piece, but that doesn't change the fact that its not well written, crippled, by your poor use of basic poetic mechanics.
4: The ending is absolutely HORRIBLE- sounds like the shit priests say to comfort a person at confession.
In short, you didn't put any real effort into writing this in a creative, original fashion, or you simply lack the skill needed to craft a poem of decent quality. It's obvious that you have no experience with writing. My advice is that you read some real poetry and experience some real literary style. Come up with your own style and develop it- learn about basic technique and the proper use of poetic devices. In time you'll build up skill and start writing poetry thats worth reading.
Blessed with zero.
You asked me to give you my take on this poem, so here it is:
The poem is mushy, dull, and whiny. It's another poem where the writer is "reaching out" for acceptance, understanding, and help- Such poems irritate me, and is the sort of thing that wiser poets avoid writing.
Again you've labeled your poem as a lyric, and its not. If you disagree, then explain to me how, in any way, it can be a lyric and actually be sung along with music.
Theres slight hic-ups in your use of the english language also, such as:
'Does the world have [the] time and patiences too see?'
--Patiences? Whats the s for? Theres no plural form
for the word patience, its singular. Also, its good
to use articles in english (the, a, & an) so use
them.
In there line of work their the boss.
I'm only paying the cost.
When they decide to fire I suffer the lost.
--They who? Seizures? Are they some wierd race that
torture those that suffer from epilepsy? Do you work
for them and recieve pay and suffer the loss of a
paycheck if they fire you? Thats quite odd.. doesn't
make much sense really, wouldn't you agree?
So with that said, you'll understand my blessing of zero.
The poem is mushy, dull, and whiny. It's another poem where the writer is "reaching out" for acceptance, understanding, and help- Such poems irritate me, and is the sort of thing that wiser poets avoid writing.
Again you've labeled your poem as a lyric, and its not. If you disagree, then explain to me how, in any way, it can be a lyric and actually be sung along with music.
Theres slight hic-ups in your use of the english language also, such as:
'Does the world have [the] time and patiences too see?'
--Patiences? Whats the s for? Theres no plural form
for the word patience, its singular. Also, its good
to use articles in english (the, a, & an) so use
them.
In there line of work their the boss.
I'm only paying the cost.
When they decide to fire I suffer the lost.
--They who? Seizures? Are they some wierd race that
torture those that suffer from epilepsy? Do you work
for them and recieve pay and suffer the loss of a
paycheck if they fire you? Thats quite odd.. doesn't
make much sense really, wouldn't you agree?
So with that said, you'll understand my blessing of zero.
on some deleted poem
18 May 2004, 9:03 AM
I know you're talking about stuffing someones dead body in a treehouse, but I keep thinking of a chimney
with the line "up there". Heh. Just my twisted mind at play.
I bless this poem with eight.
with the line "up there". Heh. Just my twisted mind at play.
I bless this poem with eight.
on Jesus, I funneled enough beer to marry that? by Bachus
19 May 2004, 12:30 AM
Now thats fucking funny. Hope to hear it soon. Blessed with nine.
on Sarah's Song by wilco
19 May 2004, 12:34 AM
Smashin. Blessed with nine.