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Child of Troy (Free verse) by Caducus A free spirit
Trapped in a pushchair cries
Her beautiful name followed by obscenities
For staining what is already soiled
By the neon Citadel
From where the dream soured.
Her Mother leans to pick up the burger
Chinese proverbs emblazon her back
the uneven font coveted
by a red frayed thong with pearls.
The little girl smiled at me
With her green nose and burberry coat
Her eyes sparkled like diamonds
And her mothers black and concaved
I was a part of her brief history
Watching a rebirth of destiny
In to the future
Of another bystanders memory.
Up the ladder:
Margaret Prays
Down the ladder:
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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.375
Posted: May 26, 2004 2:50 PM PDT; Last modified: May 27, 2004 1:58 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.638736 Overall Rank: 2153 Comments:
[10]
horus8 @ 24.130.62.63
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26-May-04/2:54 PM
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Reply
Scone
in to ...this separation bothers me...but overall this is a really good poem.
also bystander's
It's hard to know who you're talking about at times. The child or the mother?
"Her littler girl smiled at me With HER(whose, the little girls or the mother's?)green nose..." You were part of who's 'brief history'? The prepositionals at the end are terribly awkward, and what exactly is 'a rebirth of destiny'
Amendments made you're right. The end however I have to disagree and think it says everything I wanted to convey.
Good to see you still on here. Oh and i was a part of the childs brief history, before she prematurely ages by following her mothers lifestyle
Lol. That's where you stick your penis in your mother and implode like an empty can on Uranus. I have the scar, I can prove it.
Yes, this does tickle my fancy. Nice write. Blessed with nine.
If you experienced some massive head wound, causing your capacity for thought to become moderately impaired, do you suppose you would believe MORE in God, or LESS? Thanks -
Curious in Schenectady, NY
ugh thongs!
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