poemranker ::Child of Troy by Caducus

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Free verse № 103381

Child of Troy

by Caducus

Member since 2002 · Posted 26 May 2004 · Edited 27 May 2004 · 9 comments

A free spirit Trapped in a pushchair cries Her beautiful name followed by obscenities For staining what is already soiled By the neon Citadel From where the dream soured. Her Mother leans to pick up the burger Chinese proverbs emblazon her back the uneven font coveted by a red frayed thong with pearls. The little girl smiled at me With her green nose and burberry coat Her eyes sparkled like diamonds And her mothers black and concaved I was a part of her brief history Watching a rebirth of destiny In to the future Of another bystanders memory.

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mean 7.38 weighted 5.64 rank 2162 views 369 View voting details →

8 votes so far. Yours would make 9.8 votes so far

9 comments

[10] horus8 26-May-04/2:54 PM Reply
Scone
[9] edpeterson 27-May-04/10:25 AM Reply
in to ...this separation bothers me...but overall this is a really good poem.
[9] edpeterson 27-May-04/10:26 AM Reply
also bystander's
[3] god'swife 27-May-04/11:57 AM Reply
It's hard to know who you're talking about at times. The child or the mother?
"Her littler girl smiled at me
With HER(whose, the little girls or the mother's?)green nose..."

You were part of who's 'brief history'?

The prepositionals at the end are terribly awkward, and what exactly is 'a rebirth of destiny'
[n/a] Caducus › god'swife 27-May-04/2:06 PM Reply
Amendments made you're right. The end however I have to disagree and think it says everything I wanted to convey.

Good to see you still on here.

Oh and i was a part of the childs brief history, before she prematurely ages by following her mothers lifestyle
[n/a] Bachus › god'swife 27-May-04/7:49 PM Reply
Lol. That's where you stick your penis in your mother and implode like an empty can on Uranus. I have the scar, I can prove it.
[9] SupremeDreamer 27-May-04/2:06 PM Reply
Yes, this does tickle my fancy. Nice write. Blessed with nine.
[8] zodiac 28-May-04/4:52 AM Reply
If you experienced some massive head wound, causing your capacity for thought to become moderately impaired, do you suppose you would believe MORE in God, or LESS? Thanks -

Curious in Schenectady, NY
[9] scitz 28-Sep-04/6:41 AM Reply
ugh thongs!