| Re: Homecoming by http://mulberryfairy |
23-Oct-03/9:24 PM |
This is full of imagery which is great, but it could be much more potent (as poetry)if these were tightened down into short, tight jabs rather than lunging roundhouses (paragraphs). All the corporate references can probably be summed up more effectively. "Black and Latino" implies "dark-skinned". But, I like "RJ...Alma Mater."
You must write short (or long) fiction!
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| Re: a comment on water falls by Bill Z Bub |
3-Oct-03/11:09 AM |
No, not by the lies in your poem. It's just like being an Iron Maiden fan for five albums and suddenly they put out some crap like "Somewhere In Time". THAT kind of "decieved".
Lived in Matheson and attended RM as a teen. Had to bike to Porcupine cause there were very few girls in Matheson.
I fear for you because this new poem leans in a very "done" style that I've been seeing on transit systems across Canada for the last 2 or 3 years. (It must be a Canada Council initiative... did you get a grant (read;bribe) to write this?) Anyway there's dope -I mean Hope for you yet - to bring your poetry standards back up, that is. Not for your team to get the cup. Many years of Harold Ballard karma to work off in that doomed city!!!
This Zamboni driver prefers rye and water (how northern ON) but I can settle on a pint of Alex Kieths if it's not kocher to let the lumberjack out!
What is ASL? I just found out what LOL is. You can call me Evan.
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| Re: water falls by Bill Z Bub |
2-Oct-03/9:49 PM |
I agree with p&k aboout the poem AND the Sens!! I feel decieved, Bill. This was written like a Leafs fan: strong for two periods but surrendering to the curse in the end.
Best of luck in this new season of hockey and poetry. I fear you may need it.
Yours Truly
A Concerned Fan
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| Re: "I post here cause I have a lot of readers" by Bachus |
25-Sep-03/12:43 AM |
Some people just don't know talent when they read it. All hail the great nostrill rocketeer. All hail Discordia!
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| Re: a comment on Little Girl by Pervy Elf |
24-Sep-03/11:57 PM |
Internet Love gone Amok!
...on the next Springer!!
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| Re: a comment on Neophyte Bourgeoisie by EAger to Offend |
24-Sep-03/11:39 PM |
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Yes, and my Lady Macbeth is the sweetest of these.
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| Re: I am one by red |
20-Sep-03/12:46 PM |
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Much better than the rose one. I'd take out the line spacings and all of the commas. It seems to me that the places you put commas should have been line-breaks.
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| Re: a comment on A Solitaire Rose by red |
20-Sep-03/12:40 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Difficult Decisions by EAger to Offend |
20-Sep-03/12:25 PM |
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this poem has little to do with the physical body
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| Re: a comment on sitting at the cliff's edge by nentwined |
15-Sep-03/3:27 PM |
I might have gone with "..clinging us tighter, each to the other.
But, what is there works fine for me. It's a nice little piece with a vivid mood.
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| Re: Help The Aged by Mr Pig |
8-Sep-03/4:38 PM |
You have a very natural style that is fun to read. Something about the basic stucture of each stanza as being simply a well-composed sentence. I try to work that way but, I always feel like there's just too much to say. Hence the collection of bloated poems I've amassed since joining the "ranks".
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| Re: Something Lost, Something Gained by Irischer Junge |
8-Sep-03/3:46 PM |
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Oh no, not another one. You know, theistic belief in itself does not offend me. For once I would like to see a well-considered, artistic, non-cheezy assertion of the Christian belief. I KNOW it can be done!
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| Re: Peach (Revision) by http://mulberryfairy |
8-Sep-03/7:40 AM |
It's better as a single piece, of course. My only real complaint is your over-use of "ly" words. Apply that creativity to finding new adverbs!
Good work.
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| Re: The Love Poem by William Delacroix |
8-Sep-03/7:21 AM |
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Sorry I didn't see a heart. I thought it was a female torso (...coming apart in my hands).
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| Re: Bad-Ass Motherfucker by William Delacroix |
8-Sep-03/7:16 AM |
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I think only the last line is legitimate "pimple". "...through tainted eyes" is too aware to be pimple but, that line makes for a better poem overall.
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| Re: pErFeCt pAiN by William Delacroix |
8-Sep-03/6:56 AM |
Ah. An unfermented wine with a sweet finish. Now that's a twist.
See "Bach and Hollywood's bad guys" by Scott Timberg Los Angeles Times (reprinted in the Vancouver Sun Tuesday, August 26, 2003. I knew I had that article hangin' around. I hope it serves you.
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| Re: (untitled) by http://bandgeek |
8-Sep-03/6:46 AM |
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This is decent. It could use a little tightening. Even though I want to read a more expressive description, this stark treatment is likely most appropriate.
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| Re: pErFeCt pAiN by William Delacroix |
8-Sep-03/6:25 AM |
I read an article recently about the use of Bach as accompaniment to violent imagery in films. Did you see that too?
I like the burning sculpure idea and would like more details of that. Might I suggest a guilotine for the hands.
I have to reserve my vote until you tell me what that last line means (and what language it is). I only speak English and only just barely.
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| Re: How I fuck Freud off in the shower by horus8 |
8-Sep-03/6:13 AM |
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It's too bad this is on the Worst List but, if it wasn't I probably never would have had the pleasure to stumble across it.
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| Re: Self Portrait by http://bandgeek |
7-Sep-03/11:34 PM |
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It's vivid, I'll give you that.
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