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water falls (Free verse) by Bill Z Bub through thousand small squares
of open screen door
rain becomes mist,
collects, pools,
and slicks.
it thunders
this BOOM
in my wrist,
in my head, neck,
and chest
when you mmm
when you mmm
we will bloom
we will bloom.
Up the ladder:
Yellow Star
Down the ladder:
Ayudame (Help Me)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.3
Posted: October 2, 2003 7:45 PM PDT; Last modified: October 2, 2003 7:45 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.15 Overall Rank: 1068 Comments:
[10]
INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.102
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2-Oct-03/8:11 PM
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Reply
can you teach me how to do that? It is sooo terribly missing from my poetry. much better sitting this way it is it is. 9.5 because this was easy for you.
[n/a]
Bill Z Bub @ 24.43.48.67
> INTRANSIT
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2-Oct-03/8:18 PM
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I wouldn't say it was easy, and no I cannot teach you how to do anything. I run on pure instinct.
[10]
poetandknowit @ 65.101.213.218
> Bill Z Bub
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2-Oct-03/8:23 PM
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And Molson.
[n/a]
Bill Z Bub @ 24.43.48.67
> poetandknowit
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2-Oct-03/8:29 PM
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Reply
Wrong again, mr. smartypants. I drink Duckstein now. Best. Beer. Ever.
Awwwwwwwwwllllllllllll. Better hit the spank bank until then, eh? As far as the poem goes, for all of the underlying meaning to the intended, the first part sets up a great image and the slowly the poem falls apart as you leave that image and go a meandering. Puppy love will do that sort of thing to a poet. Especially a Canadian poet.
Go Leafs!
Go Senators!
go avs? Ahem.
GO AVS!!!!
Perhaps, perhaps, but don't you think it's worth more than a stinkin' five?
Peace, eh.
The rating is irrelevant. It is not about achieving a high score, but about writing a good poem. The attaching a number part is cute, but you are beyond that. I gave it a five because that is where it is: still with a chance, somewhere in the middle of succeeding or failing. Like I said, the metaphor of rainwater coming through a screen says a good number of things.
But here, I will up the score just to aid with the self esteem.
Oh yeah, well I disagree with your disagreement because I want more than the storm, I want the creative metaphor of water on the screen. The water falling. The storm is cliché but the opening metaphor and maybe I took it wrong because now I see the screen door is open. So then maybe the narrator is sitting in a lawn chair in the entrance way drinking a Molson in the rain waiting to sprout mold. Who knows up there in Canada? But the water on the screen and what can be done with that -- well that is what I was talking about.
Pilsner is for girls.
Oh yeah? You're just being disagreeable. Ha. Actually, I figured this for a "making love (awww) with the screen door dripping during a rainstorm" poem, in which case it was short, sweet, and simple, just as it should be.
I liked Molson long ago, especially the Bradors stuff, but then it started tasting really skunky. Pilsner Urquell is a fine brew that is not just for girls (so there). The Czechs make good pilsners. I worked in a package store (that's Connecticutese for liquor store) for a few years and become quite the beer connoisseur, for what it's worth, and came to the conclusions that most nationally distributed "microbrews" are overrated and most American lighter beers (e.g., pilsners, lagers) are crap, but the European counterparts generally have some heft and body. What do the good folk of Misery drink, then, if not "girly" pilsners? (Because surely they drink.) Coors? Bleh.
I highly recommend seeking out Duckstein.
http://www.holsten.co.uk/pages/brands-du best beer I've ever tasted.
I'll look for it! T'anks!
Actually, my pick is brewed in the building in which it it sold. The best I ever had was a German lager thing whose name I forget. German, as in the guy was from Germany.
oh, thank you!
Very thought provoking. I like your style.
Grazie, signora.
I agree with p&k aboout the poem AND the Sens!! I feel decieved, Bill. This was written like a Leafs fan: strong for two periods but surrendering to the curse in the end.
Best of luck in this new season of hockey and poetry. I fear you may need it. Yours Truly A Concerned Fan
decieved? there are no lies here. But your Leafs simile was very funny.
why do you fear for me? the new season brings wonders unseen. Time to leave fear in the penalty box. and get up on that Zamboni of life. ? ps are you really from Timmins? Who are you? Where are you? What is your name? ASL? LOL
No, not by the lies in your poem. It's just like being an Iron Maiden fan for five albums and suddenly they put out some crap like "Somewhere In Time". THAT kind of "decieved".
Lived in Matheson and attended RM as a teen. Had to bike to Porcupine cause there were very few girls in Matheson. I fear for you because this new poem leans in a very "done" style that I've been seeing on transit systems across Canada for the last 2 or 3 years. (It must be a Canada Council initiative... did you get a grant (read;bribe) to write this?) Anyway there's dope -I mean Hope for you yet - to bring your poetry standards back up, that is. Not for your team to get the cup. Many years of Harold Ballard karma to work off in that doomed city!!! This Zamboni driver prefers rye and water (how northern ON) but I can settle on a pint of Alex Kieths if it's not kocher to let the lumberjack out! What is ASL? I just found out what LOL is. You can call me Evan.
Is it that bad? What poems of mine are so far above it that made you so disappointed?
Yeah, those Porcupine girls were wild. Keiths is pretty darn good, eh. But HAVE YOU TRIED DUCKSTEIN? I wonder if Ulee's is still there?
Ahaaaaa Marck you liar.
Well ,I liked it. P&K, nice to see you at the top of your pathetic form, in the pissant groove and all. In the beer section, I dig a wheat beer microbrewed at the favourite bar of limonade and I. She likes the dark 'n' bitter herself.
Aaah, he's a big pussycat. Dark n bitter is good. But have you tried Duckstein?
NATURE!!!
bub?
w/e
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