| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Little Girl (Free verse) by Pervy Elf Go ahead, Little girl
Cut yourself again.
Watch your life fade away
Until the pain is gone.
You don't know how to feel anymore, do you?
Go ahead, Little girl
Cry once more.
Only at night, where none can see-
None can see you hurt.
The tear stains are hidden then.
Hidden, like your heart.
Go ahead, Little girl
Take one last look before He leaves.
"It's better this way," He says.
Belive Him, one more time.
This is how it should be.
Go ahead, Little girl
Keep yourself shut away from everyone.
Shut away safe, from Him.
"This is wrong," you say.
"I never wanted things to be this way."
Go ahead, Little girl
Blame everyone but yourself.
You were too careless.
Too much trust, too much faith.
You cared too deeply.
Now look at you.
Go ahead, Little girl
Cut yourself again.
Maybe then He'll see the scars.
Maybe then He'll see the hurt.
And understand-
You're just a scared litlle girl,
With none left to turn to.
Up the ladder:
plagiarism txt
Down the ladder:
Summer crush
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.5555553
Posted: September 24, 2003 10:29 PM PDT; Last modified: September 24, 2003 10:29 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.7777777 Overall Rank: 11337 Comments:
Capitol H Him. Do you mean God? I'm sure not, so why capitolize "him" ?The beginning of each line in a poem should be cap'd.
No, not God. It's about a boy...geez, aren't all things? I was extremely hurt by this guy, and we were having many problems at the time. I wasn't exactly talking to him, and this was my way to kind of tell him something was wrong. So, yeah, "Him" is the guy.
O.K. you need to answer my questions in order, so are you cute? (I'm a man, I have to ask, AGAIN)And why capitolize the H in him?
Well, if you must know...first comes first. I have been known to be cute from time to time. Some even dare to call me beautiful.
BUT! Back to Him. Well, while the central figure in the poem is myself, the fact that the H is capitalized is supposed to give more impact and meaning to the guy. It's hard for me to explain. When read, one is supposed to get a sense of helplessness (is that even a word?) on the girls' behalf. She's trying to get the guy to notice and take stock of what he has done. Basically, take responsibility of his actions. I don't know, maybe that helps...?
Me, yes. Him, no.
Hmmmmmm.......
Hmmmm... Is that a good 'hmmmm', or a bad 'hmmmmm'?
very very good. check your mail, we'll talk.
Internet Love gone Amok!
...on the next Springer!!
Screw you too.
Ha ha...and maybe next time try being a bit less contrite.
Have a nice day.
Ke?
ok the go ahead little girl sets a very creepy tone.
You seem to switch from concerned (kind of) to the abuser 'blame everyone except yourself' though and it tales off a bit at the end could be snappier.
I liked this poem because it is so sensative.
[_] AABB rhyming scheme
[_] About drugs [X] About romantic love [_] About writing [X] About suicide or self-mutilation [_] About the author's social pastimes [_] Arbitrary indentation [X] Arbitrary line breaks [X] Autobiographical but written in the third person [_] Clerical errors [_] Clichéd imagery (gazing out of window, tears falling like rain) [_] Clichéd rhymes (love/above, heart/apart) [X] Clichéd angst words (putrid, wretched) [X] Devoid of rhyme [X] Devoid of other linguistic embellishments (alliteration, onomatopoeia) [X] Devoid of other literary devices (simile, synaesthesia) [X] Devoid of wondrous or fantastical imagery [_] Ellipses used overabundantly [_] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Internet shorthand or emoticons [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [_] 'Lyrics' [X] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [_] Obsessed with femininity [_] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Rage against the machine [_] Repetition of a word or phrase to the point of nausea [_] Sanctimonious [X] Self-obsessed [_] Sentimental [_] Smugly-named protagonist [_] Thesaurophilia [_] Untitled [_] Vicarious wish fulfilment
Folks stupid enough to get themselves into these whiny drama spirals unfortunately never cut themselves nearly deep enough.
And here was me thinking with a name like Pervy Elf and a title like Little girl there would be shenanigans on the way, and i was right wasn't I???/// This is quite quite quite quite quite quite beautiful. Thank you!
When are you going to write some more child abuse poemes?
Oh -=Dark_Angel=-. I may call you -=Dark_Angel=- mayn't I? What with the cooking and the cleaning and the gusset scrubing to be done I'm just not sure I have time. You know I try to put a little time aside, what i like to call quality ME time, but recently things have just been getting on top of me. Even so i'm not sure that i could write "more" childe abusee poemes even if i had the time. Thank you for the interest and I'll try to keep you posted!!!!
217 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
I see where youre going but I don't follow.