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sitting at the cliff's edge (Free verse) by nentwined sitting at the cliff's edge,
I muse
that here is where I used to come
with lovers
when lovers there were
and we could imagine ourselves alone
in wilderness
when wilderness was scarce
and the world was full
and alone we'd be together and together
the world would fade
and all that would be was the two of us
and the rocks and the sea and windy gusts
clinging us each tighter to the other
and now the rocks and sea and windy gusts remain
while people a dream become
and sterile I,
or close enough
the last alive,
or close enough
peer over the edge,
or close enough
and long for city traffic.
Up the ladder:
Children in the Storm
Down the ladder:
comment-ary
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: September 14, 2003 6:36 PM PDT; Last modified: September 14, 2003 7:55 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.998178 Overall Rank: 89 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
Beautiful, you made the repitition so meaningful and lyric. This line "clinging us each tighter to the other" was a little awkward, could do without the "us", I think- or possibly replace w/ "clinging each of us tighter to the other". 10
I might have gone with "..clinging us tighter, each to the other.
But, what is there works fine for me. It's a nice little piece with a vivid mood.
Thank you. With new eyes (it's been a while) I think I wholly agree with "clinging us tighter, each to the other". :)
Very beautiful evocative line: clinging us each tighter to the other
Liked this poem Very much
Ok, I'm oversurplussed on city traffic. Trade ya for that cliff? Well done. Always good to hear from the Prime Minister.
:bows:
yeah, I've got a bit too much traffic myself, but... at least I'm just dodging cars on a motorcycle. I'd hate to actually have to sit in it. (daily #*&$(#$ commute; 10-15 minutes if traffic's moving. 20-30 if it's not (on a motorcycle, being relatively safe). up to an hour, with a car, in such circumstances. or three, if it's really bad.
a rather poignant display of laughable matters.
rather enjoyable at the end and a bit before, starts out a bit slow, but pays off.
thank you. :)
lovely
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sitting at the cliff's edge,
I muse
that there is where I went
with my lover
when lover she was
and we could imagine ourselves alone
but for a horse
A fitting chaperone
for this lonely castle wall.
and alone we'd be together and together
the world would fade
and all that would be was the two of us
and the rocks and the sea and a hundred gulls
mocking our affection
and now the rocks and sea and windy gusts
only in my thoughts remain
and dying these dreams
(or close enough)
but one remains
(or close enough)
to be near that edge,
(or close enough)
I long for you and Scotland.
1/6 had not been put into words before
the interjection of humour about getting near the edge of the cliff subtly adds a warmth and depth to the whole scene that is indispensible:
It is done in such a coy way (inserted into a solemn repetition) that is almost strong enough to oppose your claim of longing - leaving the reader with a sense of 'grinning nostalgia' for lack of a better term.