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Peach (Revision) (Free verse) by http://mulberryfairy
I.
I walked away uncertainly,
thinking âI guess that was that.â
Returning to the rental car of our recklessness
I contemplatively began
eating the peach
you gave me.
Ripe and spectacular as those of the NC foothills,
(where we both chopped away our thick roots years ago
to tread away with our new spouses and degrees)
the peach burst its clear juices down my chin and arm.
Leaning unsteadily out of the car
I tried to avoid dripping on the velour,
while capturing those escaping beads,
unwilling to let the flavor be lost.
I finished the peach with an appreciative gulp
enthusiastically casting the pit into the bushes.
I would tell you later
how I may have planted a peach sapling
(like the peach trees that grow,
unappreciated and unfertilized, in landfills)
in the state of NY in commemoration
of our fruitful affair.
II.
I starved,
remembering the sweetness
for two painfully dragging days
before I relished the eating
of the second peach.
I cradled its juicily fragile flesh
in one hand while unpacking,
afraid to abandon it for a moment
and leave it vulnerable to have
husband or child stake a claim.
I stole away with it, to taste in privacy
as I suspected, it was just as
decadent and consummate as the first.
I devoured it selfishly, remorselessly.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.4
Weighted score: 5.286087
Overall Rank: 3727
Posted: September 1, 2003 8:26 AM PDT; Last modified: September 6, 2003 4:14 PM PDT
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Comments:
273 view(s)
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doing the fancy splitting up didnt offer anything but a bad handicap to your poem. 8 for this one.
bad excuse. If its too long, i suggest: tighten the poem to a shorter output, not to make it short, but to strengthen the delivery of the emotion in the poem.
if your really romanitc, you need to put passion into it.. I WANT RESULTS BECAUSE YOUR DAMNED POEM IS WORTH THE EFFORT.
heh.