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Homecoming (Free verse) by http://mulberryfairy
The rental car’s spinning wheels were greeted by Interstate 40 with the smooth invitation of a well kept, gumless Skate Odyssey. The tar gleamed, impeccable, histrionically revealing the contrast of newly painted lines which called me, hissing, “Come on, this way” like siren arrows. I recaptured my gaze in time to see one pig snout penetrating a truck’s cage like a flasher. Looking up, I saw more, an infinity of snouts, curly tails, and flapping pink ears popping through the bars of their speeding pigpen. The ears waved, beckoning, “Welcome, it’s safe here.” A sign reported, matter-of-factly, “Littering is illegal” “$1000 fine max”. Just ahead, a few dozen teams of dark skinned Black and Latino workers stuffed poles full of litter into white trash bags under the shade of a “Natural Light” billboard. Identical uniforms (olive pants, bleached white shirts) were covered by fluorescent orange and yellow vests which drew attention to Black lettering across their backs identifying their rank and class: “Inmate”. They, too, recognized me, I saw them wink their assurance as the car passed, ruffling the orange mesh of their vests while their white and gold teeth glinted in the sun. The brilliant blue of the Pepsi Cola bottling plant, the always dilapidated look of ML King Jr. Drive finally led me to the glowing centerpieces- the angry middle fingers of Winston-Salem; the former Wachovia’s phallus building and the tall, narrow brick smokestacks boldly labeled “RJ Reynolds” my Alma Matter.

Up the ladder: Revaluations
Down the ladder: Under the Spoon

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Weighted score: 5.0896473
Overall Rank: 6226
Posted: October 23, 2003 8:30 PM PDT; Last modified: October 23, 2003 8:30 PM PDT
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Comments:
[5] EAger to Offend @ 65.95.125.137 | 23-Oct-03/9:24 PM | Reply
This is full of imagery which is great, but it could be much more potent (as poetry)if these were tightened down into short, tight jabs rather than lunging roundhouses (paragraphs). All the corporate references can probably be summed up more effectively. "Black and Latino" implies "dark-skinned". But, I like "RJ...Alma Mater."

You must write short (or long) fiction!
[n/a] http://mulberryfairy @ 216.195.145.208 > EAger to Offend | 24-Oct-03/5:17 PM | Reply
Thanks for the feedback and comments. I see your point about "dark skinned" being implied in "Black and Latino" but this piece is meant to convey racial tension with the imagery and descriptions (the pink 'pigs', the white trash bags) so I think it is useful to distinguish whether the narrator was seeing dark skinned or "high yaller" African Americans, non-white Latinos or caucasian Latinos.
You are right, I should be writing short fiction. I, too, am aware of the falseness of the label "free verse" when I am writing prose, but I try to "pass" if you know what I mean.
[9] abecedarian @ 4.40.32.229 | 23-Oct-03/11:31 PM | Reply
Pigs, Natty Light, and RJ. Sweet baby Jesus, I'm having a seizures from all the repressed memories you've unleashed!
[n/a] http://mulberryfairy @ 216.195.145.208 > abecedarian | 24-Oct-03/5:20 PM | Reply
Just let it all out, baby.
[8] Shardik @ 24.126.113.154 | 24-Oct-03/1:52 AM | Reply
Certainly, if not at least an excuse to step outside and dig out.
[2] god'swife @ 67.73.32.247 | 24-Oct-03/7:16 PM | Reply
My skepticism about a poem usually revolves around what I perceive as an over-indulgence. Whether it's the use of too many inconsiderable words, or, as in this case, the over-abundant use of words which reek of a literary hauteur. My tastes run towards simplicity, an elementary, universal appraisal. So for me, the exclusion of working class sensibilities, is strictly inoppurtune.
[n/a] http://mulberryfairy @ 216.195.145.111 > god'swife | 27-Oct-03/7:23 PM | Reply
Which words, in your perception, reek of this literary arrogance? I just wonder because I see my poems as very accessible to readers of various backgrounds- my own working vocabulary is simple and my prose-y style, I think, doesn't leave the reader feeling lost enough to feel the need to search for some cryptic message. Even if there is a metaphorical level that is not obvious, it seems like this poem can stand alone as a travel story without full understanding of any literary intentions I had in writing it.
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