| Re: a comment on American Eden by Don-Quixote |
4-Aug-03/12:02 PM |
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The ghost stanza, is nice but just doesn't seem to fit. Look at the rest of the poem. You are talking about torture, bravery, slavery, morality, and etc., etc. The Idea of a spirit, the soul of a being that is supposed to have passed on, just doesn't work right here. Don't get me wrong you've thought it out well. Depth, you have here like nobody's business. The main reason, I feel that ghost doesn't belong? You need a better verb than are. Your other Stanzas, have a verb that is both appropriate, and futher builds the desire to read on(Well other than the one about the poet, for some odd reason look just doesn't go right there). I do not feel that the ghost stanza is a masterpiece, not compared to how I see the rest of the poem. Try copying this into word, or notepad, or whatever you write in, and try, just deleting the Poet and Ghost Stanzas. If you don't like it fine by me, but I like it much better that way.
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| Re: American Eden by Don-Quixote |
3-Aug-03/11:59 PM |
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Hmmm.. A bit long, the ending was great, try it this way. Lose the ghost stanza, and I think the poet stanza doesn't really fit. Other that I see potential. Both to make something very artistic and to fuck it up. Have fun.
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| Re: HANDRINOS IS A HUMOURLESS PRIG by walrus8 |
3-Aug-03/3:21 PM |
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| Re: The difference between the two -=Dark_Angel=-'s by horus8 |
3-Aug-03/3:18 PM |
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| Re: DJ Bling Bling spins authenticity by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
30-Jul-03/12:21 AM |
LOL.
What an Ironing Board.
10.
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| Re: Too obvious by INTRANSIT |
29-Jul-03/9:21 PM |
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Acme.. The plague of teenage youth, that apparently never entirely goes away... 10.
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| Re: After seven days in the sun by <~> |
29-Jul-03/9:29 AM |
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Very, Very, Well Done. This Poem Took some Talent. -10-
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| Re: a comment on A Simple Emote. by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
29-Jul-03/9:21 AM |
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Yes, its about reacting to things. Some times we lose control and black out, only to find ourselves doing something we would never imagine. After the absolute fury, our inner beast is done, and the chemicals are gone, there can be nothing but remorse.
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| Re: a comment on Poemranker's Recent Infestation of Teenage Girls by 68.75.19.117 |
28-Jul-03/11:38 PM |
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Just so that you know, I'm not picking it up.
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| Re: Ideology for a new era by walrus8 |
28-Jul-03/11:37 PM |
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Whats sad is if it wasn't you that wrote this, I'd say I see the poetic meaning here. -8-.
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| Re: Broken Hearted by thepinkbunnyofdooom |
28-Jul-03/11:32 PM |
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LOL. Thanks, You just have a way of making me smile. A 10 just because you spend so much time, investigating my life.
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| Re: a comment on Fucking A!?!? by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
27-Jul-03/9:51 PM |
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Yeah, sad really but look at the first word of every line.
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| Re: a comment on A song I wrote for kristie played backwards by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
27-Jul-03/9:42 PM |
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Yeah, but that shit happens to me alot, and I'm still furious over it, but I'll manage. I just changed my hair again. Instead of a pink streak, I now have the front dyed blonde, while the rest is still just the same old dark brown I was born with.
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| Re: Birth in the Valley of Liquor by horus8 |
26-Jul-03/12:14 PM |
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Wow. How long ago did you write this? Very well written. -10-
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| Re: Poemranker's Recent Infestation of Teenage Girls by 68.75.19.117 |
26-Jul-03/11:30 AM |
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Awe.. Look at me. I'm so cute, between bars.
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| Re: a comment on Poemranker's Recent Infestation of Teenage Girls by 68.75.19.117 |
25-Jul-03/11:08 PM |
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You should have, it'd have been funnier.
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| Re: a comment on CrapBeer by DurtKL |
25-Jul-03/11:05 PM |
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Never had amberbock, I do like Diablo, and Captin Morgan's Gold. Everyother beer I've ever had, Tasted like shit. I love my smirnoff.
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| Re: a comment on You are a divider by Bachus |
25-Jul-03/10:58 PM |
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Awe.. Your such a darling, and a musician too. If only I had a vagina to call my own to rape you with. *sigh*
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| Re: a comment on The Bearded Men by walrus8 |
25-Jul-03/12:14 PM |
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If you knew anything, you'd know I'm too stupid to read warnings.
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| Re: CrapBeer by DurtKL |
25-Jul-03/9:38 AM |
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I'm gonna have to agree with you on that on Durt. Smirnoff is much better than all those other fuckers. -10-.
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