Re: Colors of Me by MissUnderstood	30-Sep-06/6:39 AM
Yeah, I quite liked this. 'My heart is red, my mood is blue' is overused - but following it with 'My thoughts are sort of gray' makes it work, in my opinion. I'd alter the last line (it's very Linkin Park-y, whereas the rest is a bit more delicate). Keep writing rhythmic poetry (this is good), originality will come in time.
Re: a comment on The Secret by ecargo	30-Sep-06/6:27 AM
Nice to see you around again :-) But seriously, I can't think of a more poetically unforgiving username than <~> in the entire world. Damn these keyboards and their vast multitude of special characters, damn them to the deepest bow'ls of Microsoft.
Re: Going to Michigan for the weekend by <~>	30-Sep-06/6:18 AM
Love the alternation, although it took me a second read to work it out. Nice, simple language which works well - something I have yet to master - although the ending left me wondering who the poem was addressed to. Lover, husband, friend, all possibilities. But this isn't a piece to be rushed :-)
Re: a comment on the secret life of the sundew by pollywolly	30-Sep-06/6:13 AM
I kind of liked 'nectarine'. I know it's not grammatically correct - unless the plant decided that nectarines would work as a good lure, and maybe they would - but he's described the sundew as 'she', so the feminine ending '-ine' gives a really creepy femme fatale tone to that section. That being said, though, 'sweat her deadly pores' and 'sticky embrace' aren't nearly graceful enough to carry that idea to the end.
Re: A Perfectly Normal Man by Dovina	30-Sep-06/6:10 AM
Brilliant. Millions of chaps who are lucky/unlucky enough to fall under the 'nice guy' category (I'm still not decided on whether it's a blessing or a curse) will nod sagely upon reading this. I love the perspective you tell this from, too - her side of the story...yet at the end of the day, really giving no emotions away. This gets a ten, and deserves it.
Re: a comment on Her Eyes by Fayt	30-Sep-06/6:06 AM
Sure. Find a solid structure for this - it's a sonnet; read some Shakespeare for the metre. For instance, 'unique radiant' doesn't work together very well. That may be down to accent differences I suppose (you're in the States, right?) but I'd be surprised if it was. In that passage, the stresses go 'u-NIQUE RA-diant' whereas classical Shakesperean sonnets were mostly (if not all) iambic pentameter which has a da-DUM da-DUM beat. That's not to say that all the words have to be bisyllabic, you can end one word on a weak ('da') ending and start the next on a strong ('DUM'). You'll also find that constraining yourself to a set metre will also help you find new words to use, and hopefully from there, a bit more inventiveness. 'I write this ode to you' is a good bit of iambic metre, although obviously not pentameter. Definitely get rid of 'love/above' though.
Re: a comment on Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	30-Sep-06/5:58 AM
I think you're right; I still don't quite know what I want to say in here. I know I mean something, I'm just hoping that as this evolves it'll become clear (so much for poetic certainty...). Ominous is the idea - the first stanza lets it down most, although the last stanza is meant to be a little lighter. Maybe I could get away with some blustery language, it is about storm and wind after all (yes okay, you can kill me later ;-) )
Re: a comment on Las Gaviotas by Bachus	27-Sep-06/3:46 PM
A holster of chump
Re: Las Gaviotas by Bachus	27-Sep-06/3:45 PM
So this has been one of my favourite ranker poems for the last year or so, it was the chief inspiration behind every villanelle that I've ever written, and yet I haven't commented or voted on it until now? This is the best vil. on poemranker, and then some. Whenever I think of the form, I always think of this. -10- and favourited.
Re: a comment on Attention, This Just In by thepinkbunnyofdoom	27-Sep-06/3:39 PM
What if I said 'this poem is awesome' - would that put enough of a gloss over the vote manipulation to excuse my actions?
Re: Solving Freud's Conflict (not a weather poem) by nypoet22	27-Sep-06/3:28 PM
Excellent.
Re: a comment on Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	27-Sep-06/3:27 PM
Not too bad, am back at uni and waiting for it all to kick off again. I can't write at the moment though: I've been spending all my time listening to Hayseed Dixie and my head's so full of bluegrass it's going to explode. Not that it's a bad thing, of course, just a 'phase'.
Re: a comment on Her Eyes by Fayt	27-Sep-06/3:24 PM
Listen to the patronising rubbish, it'll help you improve.
Re: This, my love is for you by creepshow	27-Sep-06/3:19 PM
Decent poem about addiction. The title needs a little more punctuation ('This, my love, is for you'). I do hope this is only about something minor, not the chemical evils that abound...
Re: Doubtcohol by drnick	27-Sep-06/3:15 PM
Damned good, I didn't recognise the rhyme scheme until the second read. Last couplet is a killer; having just walked back through town in the rain I had to laugh at what people were wearing, or I would if I hadn't walked to a club, found a queue longer than a very long piece of string and strolled back again. I meant to leave a message on your blogspace quite recently, actually, but when I got to it I just couldn't think what to write. Are you back at uni, or was last year your finals? If so, what did you finish with?
Re: a comment on The Dovina Memorial Bike Lane by Dovina	27-Sep-06/3:05 PM
I promised I'd come back and read; now I am in the 'diff and poemranker's accessible, I've read. Good poem! Definitely a nicely underused (if not downright original) idea and it's said so very directly...but without being smug, which is difficult to achieve. It reads very quickly - only two places didn't quite follow for me: 'covertly abused her job' has '-ly' and 'a-' together which interrupted my reading (changing 'abused' to simply 'used' would solve it there) and 'whereupon', which fits but is a bit long. However, I might be reading it *too* fast, in which case most other people probably wouldn't find the issues that I did. Definitely worth a nine, I'm not changing the ten though. If this got a score lower than it deserves, I'd feel guilty.
Re: a comment on The Dovina Memorial Bike Lane by Dovina	24-Sep-06/11:15 PM
I will; I've been packing though, so I'd rather spend thirty seconds balancing out the trolling damage and wait until I have some time to properly think and comment - I'll be back in Cardiff later today, so I'll have the time then :-)
Re: a comment on Hailing Miriam by Ranger	24-Sep-06/11:13 PM
:-)
Re: a comment on Weather poem part 6: idols by nypoet22	24-Sep-06/12:33 PM
Heh
Re: a comment on In the hollow (rough) by ecargo	24-Sep-06/4:41 AM
Ever heard of a dictionary?