Free verse № 146393
In the hollow (rough)
All that summer long, I ran,
when I was 10, with windmill arms
and wind-snatched breath, my brown, bare legs
flashing quick and crosshatched with careless
pricker scrapes; danced one-two double spinning rhythms,
casting small-girl spells on the blacktop
and across the verge, in among the dark boles,
tapping in and out, double-time,
running hollows, where the newts splashed out
in the wet green hours, and I grew to know
the pussy willow spring and seed-pod autumn,
growing round and alien; knew the briar-tangle den,
where, gone to ground, I lay hidden
from the hard hands and jagged
voices and dreamed green underwater
dreams as the evening drew out long
and violet, and the night creatures sang
their soft night songs as the dusk
wrapped itself around us.
11 comments
This is nice, dreamy, lyrical poem with some intersting memories and vivid descriptions. And you've gone for the fine detail, the wonderful small things (... brown, bare legs...crosshatched with careless priker scrapes..." and (...tapping in and out, double-time running hollows..) We don't often think about these, but they're what makes the poem a very intimate and honest expereince.
You also have some choices that are a little too easy (e.g. we think of them right away) "...hard hands and jagged voices..." "pussy-willow spring..." "sang their soft night songs..." These have no suprise or punch. Hold out for the fresh surprises, not the "usual".
Good poem!
pricker scrapes;"
oooh. ooh. ooh.
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