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Radiation Reflections (Free verse) by sarah raging, remorseful, and rancid
radiation in action
even twenty years later
it acts just like it hates her
it abates her
it agitates her
it won't debate her
and it will destroy her
secondary unplanned damned diseases
eating away at her as they pleases
which of the organs will next get the wheezes?
and which will be "it" to filch her to the freezers?
it all berates me badly now
the daughter she endowed
so humble, bad, and proud
i remember well holding her hair
as she puked from the chemo that kept her here
it allowed me a mother and kills her with care
not to die with a shotgun, but dragged with despair
raging, remorseful, and rancid
radiation in action
even twenty years later
it acts just like it hates her
it abates her
it agitates her
it won't debate her
and it will destroy her
Up the ladder:
The Business of Church
Down the ladder:
A Choice
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: April 23, 2004 1:23 AM PDT; Last modified: April 23, 2004 1:23 AM PDTWeighted score: 6.0 Overall Rank: 1298 Comments:
It's good to see that you're not afraid to adopt such a light-hearted and amusing approach to such potentially serious matters.
-10-
really? this seems funny to you guys? i am seriously surprised.
this is TRUE... my mom is terminally ill from having undergone radiation for cancer 20 years ago. huh. i'm disappointed. but ok. whatever.
Make your eyes look at this:
1. The quirky use of "as they pleases" instead of "as they please" to force a rhyme with the word "diseases" sounds like something Dr Seuss might have written; 2. The idea of a person's "organs" getting "the wheezes" sounds like the ill-advised joke of a red-faced provincial vicar; 3. The description of dying and being deposited in a mortuary as being "filched" to the "freezers" looks as though it was intended to raise a laugh; 4. The rest of the poem is similarly funny. Are you genuine in saying that this poem was not intended to be light-hearted and/or amusing?
oops - i just posted a regular comment instead of reply... yeah. totally genuine. i feel very silly now!
but i do thank you for your comments. (sarah)
I gave you -10- though.
What's your surname?
duffy... why?
Because I want to write offensive limericks about you. Unfortunately, nothing rhymes with Duffy except fluffy, guffy, huffy, scruffy and stuffy.
well... buffy rhymes too. write me a vampire slayer limerick. haha
Why are you flirting is Sophie not putting out and you are having to resort to hiding behind computers as a sexual outlet.
Sarah, please do not fall foul of Fraser, he has a proven record of "grooming" girls on the internet. He uses the internet to hide his huge flan like legs which are obscenely reminiscent of those appended to VioletSuede (qv). He will lure you into liking his fat soul before emerging with his fat triangular head with flourescent ginger pubes a'top.
Your syntax just gets worse and worse, you heavily- back-fatted old soak.
The tone of the poem is very humerous, as if it were tongue-in-cheek. The flow of the first stanza, the fact that you rhyme "as they pleases", ...
Perhaps the poem simply doesn't convey what you were trying to put into it.
thanks... i am just so surprised. i've posted this elsewhere and it's never been brought to my attention that it seemed humorous.
i have much to learn here... all comments are appreciated. thank you so much. :) sarah
Don't feel too despondent; radiation is a tricky subject to write about because so many people find it funny. I know this is an emotional piece for you, and I respect that, but you might consider using abortion as a metaphor for chemotherapy in future. Good poeme, though -7-
thank you...
with appreciation, sarah
bow'ls
Dear sarah,
Don't let -=Dark_Angel=- get you down. You and I both know that our lives *are* a game played by TheFather and Jesus and exactly equal in form and complexity to any halfway decent role-playing game (think Baldur's Gate II or the real AD&D), much as the role-playing games we play on Earth control 'real' lives in some other universe. In fact, you could say that this game is just a thing in which lives take place. Pull, zodiac
Crap, I've screwed it up again. No, wait, I haven't.
(hanging head in shame)... YES! I'm serious. But you know, I guess humor comes out most when people are inadvertently funny and are being serious.
Perhaps you're right though. ARGH! Thanks for commenting. I feel silly now. :)
I think your search for alliteration and rhyme put a slight, likely unintentional, comedic twist to the thing.
It is difficult to take such a thing seriously when it rhymes too conveniently. The only examples I can think of involve war.
thank you... i really appreciate your input. :)
sarah 171 view(s)
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But not indecent exposure.