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the secret life of the sundew (Free verse) by pollywolly
Stretching She yawns, Uncurling her Tapered arms She reaches outwards To the sun Seeking the warmth given To sweat her deadly pores, Bringing forth The sweet nectarine Used to lure Her prey Into her sticky Embrace In this place Of decay

Up the ladder: Your Turn (revised)
Down the ladder: Renewal

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.3333335
Weighted score: 4.9205313
Overall Rank: 9499
Posted: September 29, 2006 3:02 AM PDT; Last modified: September 29, 2006 3:02 AM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 29-Sep-06/1:26 PM | Reply
don't you mean nectar?

[n/a] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 > <~> | 30-Sep-06/6:13 AM | Reply
I kind of liked 'nectarine'. I know it's not grammatically correct - unless the plant decided that nectarines would work as a good lure, and maybe they would - but he's described the sundew as 'she', so the feminine ending '-ine' gives a really creepy femme fatale tone to that section.

That being said, though, 'sweat her deadly pores' and 'sticky embrace' aren't nearly graceful enough to carry that idea to the end.
[7] half.italian @ 70.36.242.152 | 30-Sep-06/8:29 PM | Reply
Nice imagery.
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