Re: a comment on Shadows In Your Eyes by PoeticJustice	24-Sep-06/4:38 AM
Cheers, PoeticJustice. Thanks for appreciating the time I spent actually reading and thinking about this poem. Bearing in mind that this site is called PoemRanker, what do you think the main purpose is? To rank poems, or to rank feelings? I'm sorry if this makes me sound like an insensitive knob, it's not meant to, but I mean it. What do you want, a genuine reflection on your poem, or ego stroking? If you are looking to improve poetically, this place is pretty good. If you just want to put down everything you feel and assume it counts as poetry that people will want to read, it's not such a good place. Trust me, that's how I started out. But then, everybody's got to start somewhere, it just depends where you want to go. Good luck with your writing, whichever direction you take. P.S. - don't worry about any shitty comment or vote you get from Edna Sweetlove or any associated crony. We all get that.
Re: a comment on Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	24-Sep-06/4:28 AM
You're right; most of my work sacrifices a certain amount of clarity for nice language. It's something I'm working on - slowly, but surely finding out how much work it's reasonable to make the reader do. In this one the main theme is a storm passing across a field of sunflowers - it does need a lot of work though. Perhaps I got too carried away with metre - thanks for the comment :-)
Re: a comment on Attention, This Just In by thepinkbunnyofdoom	24-Sep-06/4:24 AM
Sir Bunny, Edna is only here to irritate; the 'ironic English' demeanour is intended to lend weight to this in much the same way that -=Dark_Angel=- managed it. Unfortunately, Sweetlove has been neglecting the relevant -=Dark_Angel=- studies (and will therefore fail the end-of-semester -=Exam=-) which makes all 'Edna Sweetlove vulgar' poetry and comments fall under the category of 'irrelevant'. The best remedy for this sort of ailment is to ignore all such poems and comments, and instead talk to those of us who you might find remotely interesting. If the zeroes overly worry you, I will be more than happy to drop a ten your way to balance them out. Peace Ranger
Re: a comment on The Dovina Memorial Bike Lane by Dovina	24-Sep-06/4:15 AM
Dedicated on April the first, two thousand and (unspecified). By the Carpinteria City Council, who were repentant (adj., feeling sorry or remorseful, especially for a wrongdoing). CONGRATS! YOUR COMMENT HAS ACHIEVED 'DIM LEVEL' 4!!! YOU NOW HAVE THE ACCESS CODE TO AREA *IDIOT_LIBRARY*!!!
Re: a comment on Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone	23-Sep-06/4:16 AM
My Christ-beard caught AIDS! (from the cough Of a Russian called Pietrokov) So he got a disease By the name 'Leprosy' And the AIDS-ridden bits all fell off
Re: a comment on Mid-July by Ranger	23-Sep-06/2:34 AM
You know, it's taken me a long time but I think you're right about the longer lines - thank you :-D
Re: Shadows In Your Eyes by PoeticJustice	23-Sep-06/2:31 AM
It needs, well, structure. The rhythm's all over the place, which makes it difficult to read. A bit more invention with the rhymes wouldn't go amiss either - remember that rhyme is a rhythmic device and shouldn't be the primary concern. If you can't find a direct rhyme to fit the metre, rhyme loosely, no-one will be too concerned by it.
Re: a comment on Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	23-Sep-06/2:22 AM
Fair enough - perhaps if I changed it to '...total disregard; those screaming slaves...'?
Re: Attention, This Just In by thepinkbunnyofdoom	23-Sep-06/2:20 AM
You rap student, you.
Re: a comment on Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	22-Sep-06/3:37 PM
You're right, there are too many 'its' in here - I hadn't thought of that when writing. 'Diamante lens-drear' = sky, 'clicking' of the first drops of rain, maybe clicking like a door makes it seem like there's only one - again, I didn't see that before. Solar flowers/slaves/chain-gang = sunflowers. There's billions of the buggers down where this is set - so ordered, sullen even. The heavy orb is the face of a dying sunflower (they are enormous) - I wasn't sure of that passage though; again, I think it's the number (one sunflower, many insects). Will try to rectify that when I edit. Never heard 'leapin' lizards' - is it just an exclamation? Americanisms can be super-funky although a few are confusing (like 'douchebag' - what's with that one?). Glad you like the metre, as always, thanks for the suggestions :-)
Re: a comment on Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	22-Sep-06/3:24 PM
Heh, you know I appreciate your lengthy comments - they show you've spent time reading my poems, which in turn inflates my already-oversized ego ;-) My geography sucks big time (I barely even know where I am half the time) and I've never been to America, so I'm clueless. The only body of water I know anything about is Lake Superior, and that's only from hearing about it on an old Gordon Lightfoot song. You know the one - 'The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald'. The father of a friend of mine has a canoe/kayak-making business, actually - we have a nicely scenic canal a few minutes from where I am which is pretty popular with the waterbabies, and also cyclists. I went along there the other day, actually, aiming to make 20 miles in a couple of hours but was thwarted by the Dark Lord of Burstyre about 6 miles from home. So, stranded in the middle of nowhere, I decided to act in the spirit of all great and epic quests, and struck out for the nearest pub. And, of course, good luck! Do let me know how you get on (is this a major competition?) I expect to hear the clink of a fresh gold medallion ringing in your next poem ;-)
Re: a comment on You by amanda_dcosta	22-Sep-06/3:11 PM
I love comments. But only intelligent comments. Which that was not. -bow'ls-
Re: a comment on Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone	22-Sep-06/3:10 PM
What on earth makes you think anyone gives a shit?
Re: a comment on I Have, Because I Am by flock	22-Sep-06/3:08 PM
Well you've got to draw a line between actual criticism and sheer rudeness. For sure "this poem is shit" really isn't any good to man nor beast, but I always get confused when I leave a critique and get accused of rudeness (it doesn't happen often, but once in a blue moon someone does). I've never, as far as I can remember, ever said anything outright offensive. But even so, coming up against a really rude and arrogant critic can give a more effective motivational push than anything else. It worked for me - I joined this site years ago and had many an argument with a chap called poetandknowit (whose 'critiques' revolved around laughing at me and anything I said, with a certain degree of justification; I wrote some real crap back then - as opposed to mild crap now) which ultimately resulted in me leaving until I could come up with something good enough to shut him up. Maybe I'm just excessively competitive, but that sort of barracking gave a real humility blow; something many 16 year-olds need (I certainly did). There isn't a set way to write 'a poem'. If you choose a particular form, it's usually best to stick to it otherwise you'll get smartarses like myself going 'ooh, that's not a sonnet!' ;-) The key is to figure out what you want to say, and then how to say it in a way which is interesting. A good poem, in my view, will be so easy to read aloud that it almost seems as though the words were meant to be said with each other. That's where structure and metre comes into play - and yes, it does take a bit of practise and understanding to get underway, but hey, we're on a public forum; we're all amateurs otherwise we'd be getting published in '101 Of The Nation's Favourite Poems'. If you consider what you write to be poetry, it's poetry. If I don't think it's poetry, I'll call it something else. I have plenty of respect for people who write devotional poetry (like you seem to do) if they can get it write - religious 'praise' poems are difficult to do without making the nonbeliever or the sort-of-believer (like myself) wince. Keep writing :-)
Re: a comment on Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone	22-Sep-06/3:25 AM
Best rhyme - "used it/Tuesday"
Re: Field Of Surnames by Caducus	22-Sep-06/3:18 AM
A lot of this has a strong rhythm of ONE-two-three-FOUR, very musical and very easy to read. Where it deviates, it gets more difficult.
Re: Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone	22-Sep-06/3:12 AM
I bearded the Lord with a cross Like a goatee, but wooden; it cost Very little to build And the Jews were all thrilled With our saviour's most stylish new moss
Re: a comment on Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	22-Sep-06/3:05 AM
Iambic pentameter, just for you ;-) Kayak race? You mean there's water in New York (that's where you are, right)? I thought it was made up entirely of banks, jewellers, shipyards, abandoned warehouses and small police stations. Damn Hollywood and its misleading ways!
Re: a comment on The Secret by ecargo	21-Sep-06/2:34 PM
Legendary - enjoy the kayaking! --Tell Zz that I have to use 'Zzinia' for the Tales; I'm struggling to find acceptable rhymes for '<~>'
Re: a comment on The Secret by ecargo	21-Sep-06/2:24 PM
Heh, classic Carroll. You know, I've got an ancient calendar kicking around somewhere which has a bunch of illustrations from various fantasy stories/poems - The Walrus and the Carpenter among them. The Tales are going to be epic, if ever I have the willpower to keep writing them. There's going to have to be a list of all the characters so I don't forget them; Dark Angel, horus8, god'swife, zzinnia (do you ever see her anymore?), p&k etc. etc. etc., nentwined and rockmage obviously and, to cap it all....... ...SETTLE