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I Have, Because I Am (Free verse) by flock I have walked for twelve days straight
With a sprained ankle.
At the time, I carried 18 kg on my back and
I was struck by heat exhaustion and diarrhea.
I have clung to the side of a mountain,
Hoping that a small clump of grass,
Which kept me from falling 400m to my death,
Did not break and thus spell out my demise.
I have crept along a 800m-high precipice,
Wondering if I should carry on to the top and
Risk falling at any moment.
What a wonderful view I saw from the top though.
I have jumped across a crevice, and in doing so,
Saw how close I was from meeting my fate.
I have seen others do likewise
And felt their relief as well.
I have crawled in the dirt many times,
Hoping that I could escape what had befallen me.
I have stood on mountain-tops and
Looked out as far as I could in every direction.
I have looked over three mountain ranges to see the horizon,
But saw only a vague haze.
I have watched clouds gather and
Fall like a thunderous cough onto a dry earth.
I have seen birds build nests.
I have seen plants grow
Between small cracks in the rock.
I have watched ants wake up and
Start a new day of hard work,
On a sunday.
I have heard ants chewing on wheat stalks.
I have seen a spider weave a web with
Skill and intent unrivalled by any human.
I have heard the birds waking at dawn.
I have watched the moon fall into the sea.
Twice.
I have looked up at the stars.
The very same stars that
Explorers before me have used to navigate the seas.
I have navigated through
A mountain shrouded in mist.
I have seen human traits in animals.
I have seen animals in some humans.
I have seen someone hate another.
I have seen another love someone else.
I have nurtured.
I have destroyed.
I have built towers taller than houses.
I have been given a lot.
I have had a lot taken from me.
I have been the center of attention.
I have been shunned.
I have cracked under pressure.
I have prevailed under worse.
I have been tired.
I have spoken to strangers.
I have been robbed.
I have had my self-worth broken down to nothing
And then built up again to be stronger.
I have done the same for others.
I have watched as my mind slowly drifts away,
Only to grab hold of it at the last minute.
I have pushed my mind and body to the limit several times.
I have done evil things, of these i am not proud.
I have people I care for.
I have people who care for me.
I have made friends.
I have been alone.
I have laughed.
I have cried.
I have lived
I have,
Because I am.
Up the ladder:
Bottom half of a phone
Down the ladder:
Altitude
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.8
Posted: September 20, 2006 10:01 AM PDT; Last modified: September 20, 2006 10:01 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.9761596 Overall Rank: 8373 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[4]
half.italian @ 70.36.242.152
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20-Sep-06/8:55 PM
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Reply
I kind of liked the first few stanzas, but it just got worse as it went on, and then worse again until the final cliche ruined it entirely.
It starts off in an intimate detail of moments that the poet holds dear, then builds up into a climax of successive emotions and expressions of life. On Dovina's comment, yes we do all experience most of those things but isn't that what we've been given to experience? And by reading someone else's experiences and knowning these feelings and things for ourselves, does this not make us relate to the poem so much more?Isn't this what life is all about? To experience life by ourselves and with others? To be?
So Flock, you were, you are and you will be because you have. Awesome poem. Continue living life to the fullest for it's been given with the greatest love. x
Q: 'And by reading someone else's experiences and knowing these feelings for ourselves, does this not make us relate to the poem so much more?'
A: No. This is just a list of mildly emotive scenes and statements. If I put my shopping list here, would it suddenly become a marvellous piece of poetry just because lots of people have also made similar shopping lists? No it would not. The whole point of eliciting emotion is just that: that you *elicit* feelings. Hence the overriding purpose of the 'show, don't tell' guideline. If you say 'I have cried', so what? So have I, so has almost everyone else - but it's not making me feel like crying now. If you say 'I am ridiculously happy', it doesn't make me jump around for joy. Otherwise the following line should be the most emotionally evocative line in existence: "I really, really love butchering puppies". It doesn't do much except maybe make you laugh, does it? If, however, I was to write a few lines describing the wounds on said puppies, and their helplessness, then it might be more effective. Emotions have far more of an impact if the reader actually has to conjure them up on their own - which also has the added bonus of making the poem more 'personal' to the reader as well. This is why Dovina suggested keeping the more original ideas, so that the reader would actually have to work out what it might be like. By all means keep the message 'live life to the fullest' - a noble enough sentiment - but simply listing the things you've done in life doesn't motivate me to do those same things.
Howzit ranger! What I merely said was that there are certain things that all people can relate to, like crying about something, and then there are other things that not all of us can relate to, like hanging from a cliff. The poet, according to me, put more emphasis on those unrelatable things because those moments probably made more of an impact on him. I could be wrong but im speculating as much as any other reader would. So the other, more common things he mentioned still pertains to his experience of life and taking them out would defeat the purpose of his poem, which is an expression of his existence. It might not be spectacular to you but to him it might just be.
In the end, a poem is an expression of the writer's thoughts and it all depends on the intention of the writer. If he wants to elicit any emotions from the reader or if he wants to express more of what he is feeling, then that's the way it is. To me, it's about the poet's perspective and it's awesome if the reader can see what he was on about. You can't always please everyone I guess and it's not always about us. "I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism." - Charles Schwab x
Well okay, the poet has two categories of experience, and emphasises the unusual more than the usual. Fair enough, and rightly so. But this is a poem - and therefore it needs to be presented in an effective way. It made little impact on me and, it appears, little impact on the first two readers as well. I like the message, I think it needs to be said as often as possible, but my gripe is that it's been said in a way which left no impression on me (remember, this is simply my view - not a universal by any means). I believe this could have been done better, and I think if the poet wants to experiment with it, he/she will find that it achieves different reactions.
It's about the poet's perspective? That's debatable. After all, any text can be interpreted in a multitude of ways - the longer the piece, the more variations in interpretation (see Empson's rather compelling interpretation of Paradise Lost). Once a piece of literature leaves the author's quill it becomes public property. Any interpretation which logically and consistently holds up must be valid. What authority does the author have to say how a text should or should not be read? --am I right in thinking that the quote means that people produce better work when praised rather than criticised? I'm not sure I agree with it...I probably sound like an argumentative sod, believe me that I'm just interested to find out other peoples' views :-)
True that. What authority then do we have to criticise the poet's work? Who am I to destroy his writings and his dreams? That kinda is what that other quote I put at the end means to me. Criticism is usely harsh and alot of the times very rude and injurious. It all comes down to the way you say something. If you feel you have to criticise someone then do it in a good way, a positive way. Why make somene else feel bad?
"It's about the poet's perspective? That's debatable." Yup it seems to be. hehe. Is it not the poet who wrote the story? Who else's perspective would it be then? The only time it might be different is if the poet is out to make poeple like his work through following a set formula that works and then you just fill in the words. And Im not say that's easy to do, if that's how it's done. "But this is a poem - and therefore it needs to be presented in an effective way." Continuing on the previous statement, maybe I'm not knowledgable enough in the art of poetry but when I write something, its something that's on my mind and I write it. Alot of the time it comes out in rhythmical form but that's just the way I write. Is there a set way to write a poem? Maybe then I shouldn't call my writings poetry. I might be wrong about this whole then. Hey, ur no sod, just someone with a different opinion to me and I also dig hearing other people's views. Isn't that an awesome facet of life? I believe (this might also cause another branch of discussion) that when we are no longer in this world, dead that is, things are alot different and there is much more congruity. ') Have a awesome weekend and thanks to Flock for allowing us to use his space to entertain ourselves. We are therefore we can. ') x
*I might be wrong about this whole thing then. ')
Well you've got to draw a line between actual criticism and sheer rudeness. For sure "this poem is shit" really isn't any good to man nor beast, but I always get confused when I leave a critique and get accused of rudeness (it doesn't happen often, but once in a blue moon someone does). I've never, as far as I can remember, ever said anything outright offensive. But even so, coming up against a really rude and arrogant critic can give a more effective motivational push than anything else. It worked for me - I joined this site years ago and had many an argument with a chap called poetandknowit (whose 'critiques' revolved around laughing at me and anything I said, with a certain degree of justification; I wrote some real crap back then - as opposed to mild crap now) which ultimately resulted in me leaving until I could come up with something good enough to shut him up. Maybe I'm just excessively competitive, but that sort of barracking gave a real humility blow; something many 16 year-olds need (I certainly did).
There isn't a set way to write 'a poem'. If you choose a particular form, it's usually best to stick to it otherwise you'll get smartarses like myself going 'ooh, that's not a sonnet!' ;-) The key is to figure out what you want to say, and then how to say it in a way which is interesting. A good poem, in my view, will be so easy to read aloud that it almost seems as though the words were meant to be said with each other. That's where structure and metre comes into play - and yes, it does take a bit of practise and understanding to get underway, but hey, we're on a public forum; we're all amateurs otherwise we'd be getting published in '101 Of The Nation's Favourite Poems'. If you consider what you write to be poetry, it's poetry. If I don't think it's poetry, I'll call it something else. I have plenty of respect for people who write devotional poetry (like you seem to do) if they can get it write - religious 'praise' poems are difficult to do without making the nonbeliever or the sort-of-believer (like myself) wince. Keep writing :-)
Cool. ') Hey, personally I think most issues that people have are somehow derived from negative interactions from other people. But it seems then that some people like yourself appreciate criticism and thats cool. One thing to also keep in mind then is that not everyone can take it as well as you do and I believe that people with a better a understanding of things should be able to consider other less understanding people and communicate on their level.
In the same vein someone will say its a its cruel world and all that but we who have some form of respect and appreciation for life have the same power than those who destroy and brings down to create and build up. My poems are about my thoughts and experiences and also my perspective of others. Above all its about God who made me and gave the ability to do is and so much more. Hey, I'll do some research on the poetry of others and Im sure I'll learn a few things. ') Thanks for the chat and cul8er. It was funny indeed but not boring at all. x
Very funny; but deadly boring.
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