Re: From pains inside by Prince of Void	10-Dec-06/10:40 AM
I don't know what to say
Re: Ode to the Bun by Stephen Robins	10-Dec-06/10:38 AM
How can your face be like a fat isoceles triangle? Is it trying to imitate Fraser's legs?
Re: a comment on She dreams by amanda_dcosta	10-Dec-06/10:35 AM
That's the nicest thing you've said in years
Re: Self Portrait by Dovina	10-Dec-06/10:34 AM
I prefer this edit.
Re: The blankness of his life by Nicholas Jones	10-Dec-06/10:29 AM
This simply has to be favourited. Don't think you need the 'what?' at the start of line three. Other than that, wonderful. Can you please write something happy though?
Re: Cloche. by howl	10-Dec-06/10:28 AM
This is very good indeed. A couple too many instances of 'the' for my taste. A subway, a tram and a policeman with a torch? Where are you?
Re: Particle Deceleration by MacFrantic	8-Dec-06/5:15 AM
Well, I think this is marvellous to read but if you want me to find any meanings below the surface it'll have to wait awhile.
Re: Prayer by amanda_dcosta	8-Dec-06/5:14 AM
I'm tempted to suggest adding rhymes to this - it needs to move a little more easily.
Re: The life of a clerk by Schlinkey	8-Dec-06/5:10 AM
I like the idea, but it's overdone in a few places; toning down the language here and there would work well for me. Also, you keep a strict pentameter as far as I can see, but the metre's messy - it's mostly where the 'big words' come in, but you can also get away with varying the syllable count now and then to play with the metre.
Re: I want to press my fingertips by bwaha	8-Dec-06/5:02 AM
Nice. Reminds me a bit of "i like my body when it is with your body".
Re: Self Portrait by Dovina	8-Dec-06/5:00 AM
Too many uses of 'his' in the first two lines for my liking - change it to '...dips a brush'. Not sure about a contemplative hat, but I do like the rest. 'Clad in kindness/optimistic likeness' is a really good bit of wordplay there.
Re: The Mountain by Nicholas Jones	8-Dec-06/4:57 AM
You must have known that anonymous turd was inevitable. But hey. This is great, although 'around' (line 1) probably sounds better as just 'round', and 'I believed that you were actually dying' fucking creeps me out. It moves really well, really quickly, and the last line is a killer.
Re: Lines Composed in a Vancouver Skyscraper by david	4-Dec-06/2:23 AM
I like this, I really do, but it seems to be better suited as a prose poem. I'd change 'brown finger' to 'tanned finger', but that could just be the result of years of -=Dark_Angel=- poetry. Good write.
Re: Dance With Me by grumpycrafter	4-Dec-06/2:19 AM
Nice idea. It wants to be put to a waltz beat though.
Re: The Day Before Christmas by grumpycrafter	4-Dec-06/2:18 AM
Absolutely hilarious, although it could do with the rhythm tightening up in quite a few places.
Re: A place for everyone by aliena	3-Dec-06/6:20 AM
And there is also scope for movies about aliens. You might want to edit out one of the repeated 'ands', the one at the start of line 4 seems the obvious choice to me.
Re: a comment on sleep by nentwined	2-Dec-06/4:21 PM
Santa's awful howls fill the porcelain valley as red becomes browne
Re: OI! The Brown Flame by SupremeDreamer	2-Dec-06/2:13 PM
You need an extra exclamation mark in line 5.
Re: a comment on sleep by nentwined	2-Dec-06/2:12 PM
Weep (Haipoo) by Ranger Satan's brownly bow'ls Squeeze to let the bum open Nothing much appears
Re: a comment on Sonnet 5 (The Second Deluge) by Schlinkey	2-Dec-06/2:06 PM
I don't see anything wrong with the 'deluge' line, nothing unforgivable at least. Line two needs some punctuation ('The nascent truth - a herald's cries of war' would do it).