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The life of a clerk

Member since 2006 · Posted 6 Dec 2006 · Edited 9 Dec 2006 · 4 comments

The mournful creaks as he shifts in his chair Have always produced ripples in the air: Endless seepage from a quaint, mental lair. Listen, if you will, and you'll hear a song; Incremental lament transcending pain. Fear not the scarecrow guarding his domain, Else deception takes growth where none belongs Overcome the silence, but 'ware the shell For it protects a proverbial hell And notice the absence of fleeting salt! Clamoring tones disrupt the evidence Laying underneath defensive pretense, Emotional forensics may commence Rigorous research void of any sense, Killing the last remnant of his defense.

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4 comments

[8] Ranger 8-Dec-06/5:10 AM Reply

I like the idea, but it's overdone in a few places; toning down the language here and there would work well for me. Also, you keep a strict pentameter as far as I can see, but the metre's messy - it's mostly where the 'big words' come in, but you can also get away with varying the syllable count now and then to play with the metre.

[n/a] Schlinkey › Ranger 8-Dec-06/6:23 AM Reply

I will have to agree; this is more or less a word-jam, made just to fiddle more with this clerk-character. The "metre" consists merely of syllable counting. If I get the time to revise this, I think I'll do as you say; vary the syllable count, and instead play with different metres! :)

[8] Dovina 9-Dec-06/6:18 AM Reply

"but 'ware" could be "beware" I think. Some repetition of ideas and a few too many words, like "always" in Line 2. "Fear not the scarecrow" is good.

[n/a] Schlinkey › Dovina 9-Dec-06/6:50 AM Reply

Yup, when I revise this one I'll cut out some of the abundant words. Thanks for the comment!