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Cloche. (Free verse) by howl
The subway; a cloche to beggars late evening, not one lit fire like seen in the dumps. The bell of an unattended tram peals, a boy pulling the rope to hear its reaction. The policeman points, his torch beam picking up little, he is happy. Later the beat girl hands out bread to the rattling voices of old men.


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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 4.25
Weighted score: 4.910598
Overall Rank: 9613
Posted: December 10, 2006 9:22 AM PST; Last modified: December 23, 2006 10:55 AM PST
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Comments:
[9] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 10-Dec-06/10:28 AM | Reply
This is very good indeed. A couple too many instances of 'the' for my taste.

A subway, a tram and a policeman with a torch? Where are you?
[7] Dovina @ 208.127.72.90 | 10-Dec-06/5:11 PM | Reply
No period after "closed." Comma after "fire." Heck with it, all punctuation can go. "Like is done in the dumps" -> "as in the dumps" or somesuch.
[7] Prince of Void @ 87.107.15.20 | 31-Dec-06/8:48 AM | Reply
keep going on ..it's very cinematic
[9] deleted user @ 64.140.228.253 | 7-Jan-07/3:24 AM | Reply
This is good--I really like the last stanza.
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