poemranker ::She dreams by amanda_dcosta

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Free verse № 148117

She dreams

by amanda_dcosta

Member since 2005 · Posted 24 Nov 2006 · Edited 25 Nov 2006 · 10 comments

She dreams a dream of distant land of trickling brooks and maple trees as snow flakes fall upon her nose she dreams a welcome dream. Her angel wings are clipped no more she flies so far and free, she roams the world without a doubt, as she flies o'er the land and sea. She hears him call, she knows she's home at last she's reached his warm embrace. together there their love unfold and of their past there's not a trace. The front porch small with lively song and gurgling sounds of new born babes upon the swing or by the lake she's home; a place of love and grace. She dreams a dream of distant land of trickling brooks and maple trees as snow flakes fall upon her nose she dreams a welcome dream. The story thus goes on and on she finds her heart skip to its tune with him she walks; both hand in hand In love, radiant and free.

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mean 7.71 weighted 5.73 rank 1849 views 269 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

10 comments

[9] Dovina 24-Nov-06/9:30 AM Reply
It has a nice rhythm and a wistful playfulness.

"the world without a doubt, as she" could lose "as she"

"love unfolds"

"of oaks and pine and firs growing tall" seems off rhytrhm. "pines" for consistency.

"skip to its tune" is off-grammar, but "skipping" would be off-rhythm.
[9] Ranger 25-Nov-06/1:59 PM Reply
Excellent except for 'of oaks and pines and firs growing tall' - rhythm's out and I'd rather see another way of describing them rather than as being tall. But this is one of your best, without a doubt.
[n/a] amanda_dcosta › Ranger 25-Nov-06/10:28 PM Reply
D, Ranger.. thanks. This is awesome. Must be really good since you both gave me a nine. :-)))))))))))

I am however making changes to the line that reads "of oaks and pine and firs growing tall" (3rd verse, 3rd line), and changing it back to "as snow flakes fall upon her nose". Think that works best.

Thanks.
[9] Ranger › amanda_dcosta 26-Nov-06/5:01 AM Reply
Much better
[9] deleted user 26-Nov-06/4:09 AM Reply
Very well done Amanda--a refreshing change from some of the stuff thats been posted lately--keep up the good work.
[7] Stephen Robins 8-Dec-06/8:57 AM Reply
Like a big bowl of cornflakes.
[9] Ranger › Stephen Robins 10-Dec-06/10:35 AM Reply
That's the nicest thing you've said in years
[10] ALChemy 8-Feb-07/5:57 AM Reply
One of the best poems I've read here. He's a very lucky man.
[10] Dr Peter Douglas 8-Feb-07/2:55 PM Reply
a beautiful dreamy love poem amanda, full of sunshine and love and blue skies and rainbow colours of joy and love.
Excellent.
[n/a] amanda_dcosta › Dr Peter Douglas 18-May-07/6:23 AM Reply
Al, Dr Peter Douglas, thanks. :-))))).

Am all smiles.