| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
She dreams (Free verse) by amanda_dcosta She dreams a dream of distant land
of trickling brooks and maple trees
as snow flakes fall upon her nose
she dreams a welcome dream.
Her angel wings are clipped no more
she flies so far and free, she roams
the world without a doubt, as she
flies o'er the land and sea.
She hears him call, she knows she's home
at last she's reached his warm embrace.
together there their love unfold
and of their past there's not a trace.
The front porch small with lively song
and gurgling sounds of new born babes
upon the swing or by the lake
she's home; a place of love and grace.
She dreams a dream of distant land
of trickling brooks and maple trees
as snow flakes fall upon her nose
she dreams a welcome dream.
The story thus goes on and on
she finds her heart skip to its tune
with him she walks; both hand in hand
In love, radiant and free.
Up the ladder:
A Fish is Always a Fish
Down the ladder:
Sonata for Robin and Poet
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.714286
Posted: November 24, 2006 8:23 AM PST; Last modified: November 25, 2006 10:30 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.729984 Overall Rank: 1853 Comments:
Excellent except for 'of oaks and pines and firs growing tall' - rhythm's out and I'd rather see another way of describing them rather than as being tall. But this is one of your best, without a doubt.
D, Ranger.. thanks. This is awesome. Must be really good since you both gave me a nine. :-)))))))))))
I am however making changes to the line that reads "of oaks and pine and firs growing tall" (3rd verse, 3rd line), and changing it back to "as snow flakes fall upon her nose". Think that works best. Thanks.
Much better
Very well done Amanda--a refreshing change from some of the stuff thats been posted lately--keep up the good work.
Like a big bowl of cornflakes.
That's the nicest thing you've said in years
One of the best poems I've read here. He's a very lucky man.
a beautiful dreamy love poem amanda, full of sunshine and love and blue skies and rainbow colours of joy and love.
Excellent.
Al, Dr Peter Douglas, thanks. :-))))).
Am all smiles. 269 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
"the world without a doubt, as she" could lose "as she"
"love unfolds"
"of oaks and pine and firs growing tall" seems off rhytrhm. "pines" for consistency.
"skip to its tune" is off-grammar, but "skipping" would be off-rhythm.